A New Post...Finally

I've wanted to write a new blog post for awhile now. But so many thoughts have been swirling in my head I haven't been able to focus on just one. Music, books, teaching, work, volunteering, friendship, love, growth, and so many other topics are constantly moving in and out of my train of thought and somehow all of them have been centered around God. This has been a major area of growth for me, putting Christ at the center of all things in my life. Now, I'm nowhere near where I should be, but looking back a year ago I am amazed at the works God has done in my life.

A few weeks ago I wrote a new poem. I was at a benefit concert listening to a band play a worship song. I don't remember what song it was, but it reminded me of my salvation and I wrote the poem below. I've been holding onto it, not wanting to share it just yet, and looking at it today it's just as true now as it would have been years ago (if I had read it then) but in a different way. It's a reminder to daily let myself go and to give Christ control of all things. I don't know about you, but being a type A personality I struggle with this on a constant basis. So, I share my poem with you now, not as a remembrance of something already done, but as a reminder of what needs to be done consistently.

True Freedom
I've tried and I've tried
but I've only died
to You I give it all
remove this deathly pall
set myself aside
throw away the pride
the broken pieces mend
no longer do I only fend
Christ is in me
now I am free!

For Those That Asked

It was brought to my attention yesterday that I need to blog more frequently. I really do. Whether I actually post what I type or not I realized today that it's a good release. Since I have not posted in a couple of months this is likely to be incredibly long, but I'll try to keep it as short as possible.

Looking back through old posts I didn't see that I had posted anything about my family. I think this is because I've been in denial about many things that have happened in my life. So, a quick review of family life. In January my grandmother passed away from a very rare form of cancer. I used to stay with her and my grandfather during the summer. Some of my best memories from childhood are sitting up late playing canasta with her, eating a bowl of ice cream or a pickle, and talking about life and what we thought about it. I miss her. In April my uncle passed away from a rare form of leukemia. I wasn't as close to my uncle as I am to some of my other family members but I remember going over to his house as a child for Christmas parties planning what I was going to perform for everyone and then deciding at the last minute that I couldn't stand having everyone watching me. David gave me my first taste of beer, I was 5. Needless to say my mom was not happy with him. In August Carle, my step-dad, discovered that he has a ruptured intestine, not pretty to say the least. The performed surgery to fix it in September. On Halloween he was taken to emergency for his gallbladder. They can't do surgery for that until he finishes healing from the surgery on his intestines, so in January or February he'll be going through surgery again. Last month they found prostate cancer in my grandfather. He'll be having his first laster treatment this week. Oh yea, and Sam moved to Arizona. I really miss my partner in crime, having off-the-wall conversations just isn't the same without him.

Life in general hasn't been to terribly calm either. Over the summer a co-worker at Borders was killed in an accident, her car was hit by a train. Needless to say it was a blow to the Borders community. Those of us that knew her best, that worked with her on a regular basis and hung out with her outside of work were hit the hardest. Last week my doctor passed away. They're still not giving out any information all they're saying is Marsha (his wife) and the kids are ok. I'm thinking it was an accident of some sort but don't know for sure. I know this will sound incredibly cold, but I'm really not looking forward to finding a new doctor. For those that know the history, I still have my cyst problems. I have one rupture about every other month, but the pain is starting to be bearable.

I'm still teaching at the college, I have 5 labs this quarter, and am working at Borders still. I'm busier than ever with Pipeline stuff. I'm still praying for volunteers that want to help with behind-the-scenes stuff. If you know of anyone, please have them contact me. Yes, that was a plug for Pipeline volunteers; I have no shame. My big project right now with Pipeline is I'm helping plan the Family Ministries Christmas party. We have 255 volunteers in Family Ministries and a Christmas party would involve spouses and children of volunteers as well, so we're looking at about 500 people. Now albeit not all of those people will show up, but about two-thirds of that crowd is still 350 people. How do you plan a party for 350 people when you don't have your own church building without spending a small fortune on the thing? I am currently looking for solutions. I am also now leading a small group. I finally listened to God and became a small group leader. So I've added more to my plate, but there's still only 24 hours in a day. Per the little voices in my head and the not so little voices outside my head (Justin, Steven, Beky, my mom) I really am looking to cut back.

However, all of that being said, I am incredibly blessed. I have an amazing group of friends that love and support me. A small group of people I can call at any time day or night that will be there with a shoulder I can cry on or a great big hug to help me calm down. They remind me to put my focus back on God and to hand things over to Him. They are the reason I am still sane, that and a few well-timed trips to Disneyland. Disneyland has been one of my few "fun" outlets lately. Speaking of which, if anyone is still reading this and would like to join me, I am going this Friday, the 14th, for my birthday.

I think that's it. I really can't think any more right now. I'm sure something else will come to mind in the near future. If that happens I'll try to post it.

Let's try this again, shall we.

So, it’s been ages since I last posted. I think I should quit promising to be more consistent in my blog posting and then I don’t have to feel guilty.

Well, life has been quite hectic the last month or so. I’ve been sort of living in denial. My grandmother passed away at the beginning of the month. I have to say, I’m a little jealous; she gets to go home and party and I’m stuck here on earth. But, last week was seriously the best week ever! It was amazing, God blessed me abundantly. I got to share the salvation message with a student (who kept asking me questions!) and I got to share with two, count them 2, fellow professors at the university in the physics department. I got to have a blast with friends on Friday night, and Saturday night. Sunday was an amazing day and I got all the stuff done that I needed to with time to relax. Then after church I went out yet again with some pretty amazing people that I love dearly.

And because everyone loves pictures, here’s some pictures from my life lately...

Meltdown On Main Street!

This is what happens when Elise and I don't get our naps...
We throw temper tantraums and pout in the middle of Main Street at Disneyland.
This one was for you Nathan!

Trip To Roscoes House of Chicken and Waffles!
Don't knock it 'til you try it.

Me, Raylyn, and Eddie

Trina and David...David looks a little psycho,
but I promise he's as normal and the next Pipeline volunteer.

Thought Vomit

I've been incognito for awhile now. Not only have I not been posting, but I haven't been reading blogs either. I feel so behind the times. Oh so much to write and so little desire to write it. I had a birthday, it was fun. I went to Disneyland with a couple a friends. I would post pictures, but I haven't gotten copies of pictures yet. One of these days I might actually buy a camera for myself.

But the thing, or rather I should say person, that has really been consuming my thoughts is my grandma. She is progressively getting worse. Sam and I went out for Thanksgiving; we left Wednesday afternoon and came home on Friday evening. My grandma is now bed-ridden. It's so hard to see her in so much pain; I don't want her to be in pain. I don't want her to die, but I don't want her to live in pain. I want her to know that it's ok to let go and I don't think I did a very good job of conveying that to her while I was there. I know I’m part of the reason she wants to stick around. The oldest grandchild (a girl) is still not married with no prospects even remotely close. While we were there we got a call and my uncle is in the hospital, his bone cancer is back again and the chemo isn’t helping this time. Then to top it off the dog (who lives with my grandparents but I raised him) has cancer in his tail bone. My family is cancer happy it seems.

However, all that being said, I am truly doing ok. Emotionally I’m drained from everything that has been going on, but I’m not worrying about anything and I’m not trying to control the situation, I’m giving it to God.

I'm so excited.....

and I just can’t hide it, I’m about to lose control.

So, I’m driving home this evening from the college listening to the “Comin’ On Strong” album by Carman. You’ve more than likely never heard of him, but I grew up listening to him. Anyway, listening to this “blast from the past” started me thinking about a blog Los wrote last week asking what we wanted to be when we grew up. When I read his question all I could remember was that I wanted to be a teacher when I grew up, and I am. However, singing along to Blessed Is He Who Comes, I remembered wanting to be a back-up singer for Carman. I never wanted to be the one that everyone saw, but I wanted to sing. That got me thinking about what I do on Sunday’s. I get to sing every Sunday with Eddie, who is an awesome musician, and I get to work with first through sixth graders and show them how much fun it can be to worship God and that it’s not just about singing a song. How incredibly awesome is that? Then that brought me to the thought that I really can’t imagine being anywhere else in my life. God is AMAZING and has worked things out way better than I ever could have. So that started me thinking about exactly where I am in my life and what I thought (when I was a kid) I would be doing at this point in my life and how it differs, one of those being that I’m still happily single (ok, well maybe not COMPLETELY happy, but pretty happy). Which got me thinking about this guy that I’m attracted to but do not want to date and I’ve been wondering why I don’t want to date him. I mean, he’s a pretty great guy, lots of great qualities. And it hit me, we are way too similar. I need someone that’s going to balance me out and that is not him. So, now I’m home, typing my thoughts, and feeling euphoric about all these little break-through’s I’ve had this evening. Yea for Diana!

Saturday Afternoon Randomness

It is Saturday afternoon. It has been a great day of sleeping in and relaxation. I'm working on finishing my newest story, I am past my writers block (YEA for me!) and hope to finish it up today. Then I decided I should probably go back and finish my "Flo & Phil" story.

So, I was taking a break from writing and was playing online and found another blog of a fellow Sandalite. Helloooooo Patty B! So, if you have not yet stopped by to say hi to Patty, go now, hurry, get there before the rush!

Also, just to share...I had such an amazingly fun Friday night! Beky and Daniel got tickets to see a taping of Last Comic Standing, so they invited me along and asked if there was anyone I wanted to take. So, I invited my good friend Clint. I had a blast! The show was hilarious, and Beky, Daniel, and Clint are always fun to hang out with. It was a good night to remind me of why I should not always be an introvert.