The Proverbs 31 Man

I recently read a book titled “In Search of the Proverbs 31 Man” by Michelle McKinney Hammond. What drew me to this book initially was of course Proverbs 31. There are lots of books that deal with how to be a Proverbs 31 woman, but what about the man mentioned in Proverbs 31, there is really nothing about him. What type of man deserves a Proverbs 31 woman? Since my goal is to be a Proverbs 31 woman I thought I should start looking at what type of man I need to lead me.

The first thing I want to say about the book it…read it! Whether you are married or single, female or male, I really think you will get something out of it. I highly recommend it. The second thing I want to say is, this is going to be a long summary, keep reading at your own risk.

I came up with 18 main points to a Proverbs 31 man. Here they are.

1) He makes wise decisions
- Only a man who is able to seek the rich counsel of the Lord for insight can lead his loved ones wisely.

2) He bears the consequences of his mistakes
- His spirit is not crushed by adversity, and he doesn’t blame others for his problems. He simply takes responsibility and finds a solution.

3) A praying man is a powerful man.
- Only through prayer will a man fully know how to meet his wife’s needs.

4) He has a vision for his life and a secure sense of purpose and destiny.
- He has a great sense of well-being because he feels fulfilled in his own work and accomplishments.

5) He has the heart of a servant
- True leadership requires a man to develop the heart of a servant.

6) He is able to face his weaknesses and not allow pride to keep him from seeking the help he needs.
- In the course of a man’s attaining his purpose, there is a time when a woman must be willing to fight with her man.
- There are some things that a woman can do that a man can’t and vice versa.

7) He is secure in his manhood.
- He is not intimidated by a woman’s strength because he is aware of his own strength.
- He considers the woman in his life to be an equal but unique partner.

8) He is able to prioritize the issues in his life and deal with them accordingly.
- He knows the perfect order of his life: his relationship with God first, his family second, work and career third.
- The wife is the #1 priority after God.
- He takes care of business at home first.

9) He is honest in his commitments and devotes himself wholeheartedly to them.
- He will stick to his assignment not matter what.
- He garners the trust of his wife and family and the respect of the community because he follows through with his commitments.

10) He clears the path and leads his wife on the course of righteousness.
- The married man must strengthen his covenant with his wife to keep himself accountable to her by praying together, worshiping together, believing together, and remaining transparent in his struggles.
- A single Proverbs 31 man is honest about his intentions toward a potential wife and is steadfast in godly conduct.

11) He assumes the responsibility for covering his wife.
- He does not wait for her to proclaim her need, he is aware of it, he is drawn to them with a committed heart to fulfill those needs and he takes responsibility for shielding her from all she is vulnerable to in her uncovered state.
- He takes the responsibility of caring for her needs, protecting her, and ensuring her overall well-being, spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

12) He recognizes the needs of his wife as an opportunity to bless her.
- The man receives his covering from God and then he extends it to his wife.

13) He realizes that his word equals his life and makes the sacrifice needed to honor his vows.
- He perseveres through the hard times, finds a way to work things out, and sticks with the plan until he and his wife make it through the storm.
- It is a sin to make a promise and then break it.

14) He considers the cost of a commitment to the woman in his life and pays it.

15) He knows how to romance his woman.
- He knows how to make her feel special and courts her before and after marriage.
- He shares his heart and feelings with her.

16) He views the love he shares with his wife as a sacred gift to give and receive.

17) He embodies the nature of Christ.

18) He lives a life of unconditional love.

Now, all those points being stated, I am not so naïve as to think that a single man (other than Christ) will embody all of these qualities all of the time. And I believe that a wife is to help her husband in these areas, help him by loving him and supporting him. There’s so much more that I could write but there’s just not enough time.

That being said, there is another post on the way. I’ve been formulating it for awhile, but I want to do a bit more research before I post.

Reading

I thought I’d post about what I’m reading. I thought about doing it at the beginning of the New Year, but for some reason never got around to it.

At the start of the New Year I made the decision that I was going to do a daily devotional. I remembered Matt talking about a daily prayer book that he was having the church staff go through, so off I went to the store to see if I could find it. Lo and behold, there is was on the shelf so I picked it up.

However there was also another daily devotional book I saw that looked pretty interesting, so I picked that up as well.

While the first book helps put me in the right frame of mind as far as praying first and foremost in my life, the second book helps me make that connection between a biblical figure and a modern day situation. It’s amazing how often the two devotions overlap to cover the same topic. I think God’s trying to get me to realize something.

About the same time that I decided to start a daily devotion my small group was challenged by our leader to pick one spiritual area to work on and a personal area to work on. Well, my spiritual area was decided upon, daily devotionals to bring me closer to God on a daily basis. My personal area was that I had decided to face my past. I had two books that I had purchased in the past to help me look at how what has happened to me has affected who I am and how I perceive things. So, I decided to start with those two books. The first book I read…

helped me realize the importance of forgiveness. It helped me realize that what I thought was forgiveness really wasn’t and that I still needed to work through some things. The second book I read…

helped me see how I had let my past directly affect who I am today and how I can go about changing that. Not to say that everything is perfectly ok now, but I think I have made quite a bit of progress. I’m still growing and still learning, but the point is that I am growing and learning; I am no longer stagnant in pain.

I finished my second book last week and was at a standstill as to where I needed to go next. Then I was reminded that my goal is to be a Proverbs 31 woman. (For those of you that don’t know, that is my “life verse”.) That brought the question to mind, if my goal is to be a Proverbs 31 woman, shouldn’t I be looking for a Proverbs 31 man? What type of man was the Proverbs 31 woman married to? I had started a “list” years ago but never got around to actually looking at what it all meant. So I decided to find out what a Proverbs 31 man is. I found this book.

This is my third book I will be reading this year. I read the first chapter on Tuesday. My goal with this book is to realize who it is, character-wise, that God would have me marry in the future, and to put into my mind who I should be praying for on a daily basis.

So that is where I am at this point in my life. Prayers for discernment and patience would be appreciated. Yes, I really do want prayer for patience.

Wow, I haven’t written a post this long in quite awhile. For those of you who stuck with it, congrats!

Reunion

Last Saturday was my 10 year high school reunion. It was nice seeing people that I haven't seen in 10 years and seeing what they have been up to, but it was also nice to go home and know I won't talk to most of them for another 10 years (if I decide to go to the 20 year reunion). It was like a night of high school all over again, I've tried for 10 years to forget most of that junk. What was most interesting, to me at least, is the fact that almost everyone was married or in a serious relationship. Out of about the 60 graduates that made it to the reunion there were 5 of us not married, that's 12%, so 88% of the people at the reunion were married. I have to admit that I'm incredibly glad I'm not married. I can't see myself having to think of another person; I've discovered lately that I am very selfish. However, seeing as I'm fast approaching 30, I am starting to wonder if I will ever get married. Last month I sat down and started a list. If I ever do get married, what type of husband do I want to have? So, I've decided that I'm going to post it here so when/if I start dating someone, those of you who actually read my blog can hold me accountable.

First and foremost he must be a man of God. I want a man who is going to lead me, who will be the head of the household who will support me as I will support him. Someone who, being the head of the household, will not let me take control or be completely independent of everyone.


He must be honest and trustworthy. I've had so many men in my life who have lied and told half-truths or just avoided the sensitive subjects. I want someone who will not be afraid to tell me that I really shouldn’t go out looking like that. Someone who will call me on my bs, who when I say I’m doing ok will say “how are you really doing?”


He needs to be smart. Not necessarily book smart, but he needs to make me think. I need to be challenged both spiritually and intellectually. I don’t want someone in the same field as me. I want someone in a totally different area, someone who will help me grow in areas that I wouldn’t grow in on my own.




He needs to make me laugh. I’m much too serious if left to my own devices. I want someone who will bring out the kid in me, who seems to be hiding in the deep dark recesses of my being.


He needs to be sensitive and appreciate the beauty that God has given us. For all of my tough exterior (which hasn’t been that tough lately) I am extremely sensitive and need someone who will take that into consideration when being completely honest with me. Someone who can sit with me in a comfortable silence to watch the sun set (or rise); someone who can stare at clouds on a clear spring day and dream up stories for the shapes we see.




Also, I want to be courted. I want someone who will make me feel feminine, much too often I feel like “one of the guys”. I want someone who will open doors for me, who will place his hand on the small of my back to lead me into a room; someone who won’t be ashamed to hold my hand in public or let me place my arm through his.

This is what I’ve come up with so far. If he had some musical ability it wouldn’t hurt, but that one’s not a requirement. ☺