Please keep me in your prayers.

Last night during church service I wrote this, “Something needs to change but I don’t know what and I don’t know how to change. I feel like what I do is never enough. There’s always more required. I’m just so tired, of everything and I don’t know how to rest. I don’t know how to recoup. I don’t know how to heal. God, please heal me. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on.”

In case you couldn’t guess from the above passage, I struggle with depression. Not just the “oh poor me, I don’t fit in” depression, but the depression that I can barely get out of bed in the morning because I feel there is no point to life. Although I have never thought of ending my own life, I have wondered how far away from that point I am.

I have a friend that I have known for many years. We’ve been through quite a bit, this friend and I. We’ve had many fights, not just disagreements, but fights, and we are still good friends. I feel like we can talk to each other about almost anything. He called me this evening to tell me he got his vicarage assignment (his internship before becoming a pastor for the Lutheran Church) in Northern California. He has the unique ability of being able to shift my focus where it should be no matter what; the only other person who was ever able to do that for me was my aunt. Anyway, he called this evening; he told me about his vicarage assignment and asked how I am doing. So, I told him. He reminded me that my focus should not be on me, I will never be good enough at anything, my focus should be on Christ and His sacrifice for me, because it is in Christ that I find my true value. So, thank you to my friend who encourages me every time we talk and who is still my friend against his better judgment.