God and Physics.....No Contradictions

Peeling Off Another Layer

2011-04-12T21:58:00.001-07:00

Tonight I completed my fourth week of a group called Beauty for Ashes (BforA). BforA is a group offered by my church for the survivors of sexual abuse. I was molested when I was a child and in college I was raped by a boyfriend and sexually harassed by a professor. Yes, I have issues. I have been aware of my issues for quite some time; the consequences of others actions in my life. What really, completely, dawned on me tonight was the lies that are in my life. There is an almost constant stream of negative thoughts running through my mind that push me to be the over-achieving, perfectionist that I am. One of the ladies in my group this evening told me that I was kind-hearted, smart, pretty, the whole package. I didn't believe her, I still don't believe her. I've never really believed any positive thing about myself. That is the realization that I came to this evening. I know there has to be something positive about me because I am God's creation. So the walls that I have so carefully built over the years are starting to crumble; it's a slow crumble but they are still crumbling. And as painful as that it, it's a good thing.

So, my prayer this evening is that I will continue to let the walls crumble, that I will continue to let God heal me, as painful as it may be.

Love

2009-11-09T23:13:00.000-08:00

I was going to sleep, but that's not working out so well so I'll post a blog instead. A thought that I started researching forever ago was love because I wanted to write a really thought provoking blog post. That never happened, and of course because it was so long ago I can't find my notes that I was writing. However, love is something that has come up in my thoughts quite a bit recently and so I think it's time to pour out some thoughts on this electric piece of paper.

So, what is love? Growing up, I never quite understood how people talked about love. "Oh, I just LOVE >insert some food item here< it's my favorite!" Or, how about, "I LOVE those those shoes; they're perfect for my new outfit." Or, "I LOVE the way the information is presented in this book, it's amazing." Or, "I LOVE what you've done with your hair." The lsit goes on and on. So, what does "LOVE" really mean? I've never thought of love as an emotions but rather a choice. It's a choice to follow through with a commitment that you've made, even when a person is driving your crazy. It's a choice to not way away from a difficult situation but instead work it out. It's a choice to be there for someone that is going through a difficult time in their life. Someone posted on my Facebook page, "To me it means caring for others even though you don't feel like it and sharing the joy of eternal life with someone that's lost."

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 states, "Love is patient and kind, love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."

How many times do you use the word LOVE when it doesn't apply? I don't know about you, but I use the word LOVE inappropriately way more than I should. I'm even guilty of some of the above statements myself. I don't like that. I don't want to be saying things that just don't make sense.

This topic is kind of out of the blue. There have been no major changes in my life, still single and not dating, nothing has come up to make me question what love is. However, I've been struggling quite a bit with my depression lately.

Everyone has what I like to call a "love tank". This tank can be ful, or empty, or somewhere in the middle. Everyone accepts love in different ways (the five love languages) and everyone gives love in different ways. If someone is receiving love in a way that is not their love language then their tank starts to empty and is not refilled. I think my tank is pretty low right now, thus the struggle with depression. What I've recently realized is that I'm pretty high maintenance. Not high maintenance in the sense that I needs lots of things in my life or to be pampered, but high maintenance in the fact that I don't have one love language, I have all five. I had a friend once tell me I was like a chameleon, she couldn't figure out my love language; I would always give her and the people around her love in the way that they best received it. We had a good laugh about it, but that moment comes back to me now.

It comes back to me now because I think that there was more information in that little exchange than I realized. The reason I can love people in the way they need to be loved is because I need to be loved the same way. So how is your love tank? I would hope that most people's tanks would be full but I have a sneaking suspicion that there are many people out there running closer to empty. Maybe not you, or people in your family, or your close friends, but there are many people in the world that are alone. Who fills their love tank?

A New Post...Finally

2009-07-01T07:46:00.000-07:00

I've wanted to write a new blog post for awhile now. But so many thoughts have been swirling in my head I haven't been able to focus on just one. Music, books, teaching, work, volunteering, friendship, love, growth, and so many other topics are constantly moving in and out of my train of thought and somehow all of them have been centered around God. This has been a major area of growth for me, putting Christ at the center of all things in my life. Now, I'm nowhere near where I should be, but looking back a year ago I am amazed at the works God has done in my life.

A few weeks ago I wrote a new poem. I was at a benefit concert listening to a band play a worship song. I don't remember what song it was, but it reminded me of my salvation and I wrote the poem below. I've been holding onto it, not wanting to share it just yet, and looking at it today it's just as true now as it would have been years ago (if I had read it then) but in a different way. It's a reminder to daily let myself go and to give Christ control of all things. I don't know about you, but being a type A personality I struggle with this on a constant basis. So, I share my poem with you now, not as a remembrance of something already done, but as a reminder of what needs to be done consistently.

True Freedom
I've tried and I've tried
but I've only died
to You I give it all
remove this deathly pall
set myself aside
throw away the pride
the broken pieces mend
no longer do I only fend
Christ is in me
now I am free!

new poem

2008-11-30T23:31:00.000-08:00

It's been quite some time since I've written a poem. This one I wrote this on the drive home this evening, so it's a very rough draft. But here it is.

Lies

A laughing facade
when really,
I'm dying inside.

Friends and family,
work and church,
no on wants me for me
but rather the things that I do.

LIES!
my mind screams,
but my heart won't believe.

A tear rolls from my eye
for things gone unseen
while in exhaustion I lie.

The struggle continues
heart and mind disagree,
the same old news.

For Those That Asked

2008-11-10T19:52:00.000-08:00

It was brought to my attention yesterday that I need to blog more frequently. I really do. Whether I actually post what I type or not I realized today that it's a good release. Since I have not posted in a couple of months this is likely to be incredibly long, but I'll try to keep it as short as possible.

Looking back through old posts I didn't see that I had posted anything about my family. I think this is because I've been in denial about many things that have happened in my life. So, a quick review of family life. In January my grandmother passed away from a very rare form of cancer. I used to stay with her and my grandfather during the summer. Some of my best memories from childhood are sitting up late playing canasta with her, eating a bowl of ice cream or a pickle, and talking about life and what we thought about it. I miss her. In April my uncle passed away from a rare form of leukemia. I wasn't as close to my uncle as I am to some of my other family members but I remember going over to his house as a child for Christmas parties planning what I was going to perform for everyone and then deciding at the last minute that I couldn't stand having everyone watching me. David gave me my first taste of beer, I was 5. Needless to say my mom was not happy with him. In August Carle, my step-dad, discovered that he has a ruptured intestine, not pretty to say the least. The performed surgery to fix it in September. On Halloween he was taken to emergency for his gallbladder. They can't do surgery for that until he finishes healing from the surgery on his intestines, so in January or February he'll be going through surgery again. Last month they found prostate cancer in my grandfather. He'll be having his first laster treatment this week. Oh yea, and Sam moved to Arizona. I really miss my partner in crime, having off-the-wall conversations just isn't the same without him.

Life in general hasn't been to terribly calm either. Over the summer a co-worker at Borders was killed in an accident, her car was hit by a train. Needless to say it was a blow to the Borders community. Those of us that knew her best, that worked with her on a regular basis and hung out with her outside of work were hit the hardest. Last week my doctor passed away. They're still not giving out any information all they're saying is Marsha (his wife) and the kids are ok. I'm thinking it was an accident of some sort but don't know for sure. I know this will sound incredibly cold, but I'm really not looking forward to finding a new doctor. For those that know the history, I still have my cyst problems. I have one rupture about every other month, but the pain is starting to be bearable.

I'm still teaching at the college, I have 5 labs this quarter, and am working at Borders still. I'm busier than ever with Pipeline stuff. I'm still praying for volunteers that want to help with behind-the-scenes stuff. If you know of anyone, please have them contact me. Yes, that was a plug for Pipeline volunteers; I have no shame. My big project right now with Pipeline is I'm helping plan the Family Ministries Christmas party. We have 255 volunteers in Family Ministries and a Christmas party would involve spouses and children of volunteers as well, so we're looking at about 500 people. Now albeit not all of those people will show up, but about two-thirds of that crowd is still 350 people. How do you plan a party for 350 people when you don't have your own church building without spending a small fortune on the thing? I am currently looking for solutions. I am also now leading a small group. I finally listened to God and became a small group leader. So I've added more to my plate, but there's still only 24 hours in a day. Per the little voices in my head and the not so little voices outside my head (Justin, Steven, Beky, my mom) I really am looking to cut back.

However, all of that being said, I am incredibly blessed. I have an amazing group of friends that love and support me. A small group of people I can call at any time day or night that will be there with a shoulder I can cry on or a great big hug to help me calm down. They remind me to put my focus back on God and to hand things over to Him. They are the reason I am still sane, that and a few well-timed trips to Disneyland. Disneyland has been one of my few "fun" outlets lately. Speaking of which, if anyone is still reading this and would like to join me, I am going this Friday, the 14th, for my birthday.

I think that's it. I really can't think any more right now. I'm sure something else will come to mind in the near future. If that happens I'll try to post it.

The Proverbs 31 Man

2008-08-20T10:20:00.000-07:00

I recently read a book titled “In Search of the Proverbs 31 Man” by Michelle McKinney Hammond. What drew me to this book initially was of course Proverbs 31. There are lots of books that deal with how to be a Proverbs 31 woman, but what about the man mentioned in Proverbs 31, there is really nothing about him. What type of man deserves a Proverbs 31 woman? Since my goal is to be a Proverbs 31 woman I thought I should start looking at what type of man I need to lead me.

The first thing I want to say about the book it…read it! Whether you are married or single, female or male, I really think you will get something out of it. I highly recommend it. The second thing I want to say is, this is going to be a long summary, keep reading at your own risk.

I came up with 18 main points to a Proverbs 31 man. Here they are.

1) He makes wise decisions
- Only a man who is able to seek the rich counsel of the Lord for insight can lead his loved ones wisely.

2) He bears the consequences of his mistakes
- His spirit is not crushed by adversity, and he doesn’t blame others for his problems. He simply takes responsibility and finds a solution.

3) A praying man is a powerful man.
- Only through prayer will a man fully know how to meet his wife’s needs.

4) He has a vision for his life and a secure sense of purpose and destiny.
- He has a great sense of well-being because he feels fulfilled in his own work and accomplishments.

5) He has the heart of a servant
- True leadership requires a man to develop the heart of a servant.

6) He is able to face his weaknesses and not allow pride to keep him from seeking the help he needs.
- In the course of a man’s attaining his purpose, there is a time when a woman must be willing to fight with her man.
- There are some things that a woman can do that a man can’t and vice versa.

7) He is secure in his manhood.
- He is not intimidated by a woman’s strength because he is aware of his own strength.
- He considers the woman in his life to be an equal but unique partner.

8) He is able to prioritize the issues in his life and deal with them accordingly.
- He knows the perfect order of his life: his relationship with God first, his family second, work and career third.
- The wife is the #1 priority after God.
- He takes care of business at home first.

9) He is honest in his commitments and devotes himself wholeheartedly to them.
- He will stick to his assignment not matter what.
- He garners the trust of his wife and family and the respect of the community because he follows through with his commitments.

10) He clears the path and leads his wife on the course of righteousness.
- The married man must strengthen his covenant with his wife to keep himself accountable to her by praying together, worshiping together, believing together, and remaining transparent in his struggles.
- A single Proverbs 31 man is honest about his intentions toward a potential wife and is steadfast in godly conduct.

11) He assumes the responsibility for covering his wife.
- He does not wait for her to proclaim her need, he is aware of it, he is drawn to them with a committed heart to fulfill those needs and he takes responsibility for shielding her from all she is vulnerable to in her uncovered state.
- He takes the responsibility of caring for her needs, protecting her, and ensuring her overall well-being, spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

12) He recognizes the needs of his wife as an opportunity to bless her.
- The man receives his covering from God and then he extends it to his wife.

13) He realizes that his word equals his life and makes the sacrifice needed to honor his vows.
- He perseveres through the hard times, finds a way to work things out, and sticks with the plan until he and his wife make it through the storm.
- It is a sin to make a promise and then break it.

14) He considers the cost of a commitment to the woman in his life and pays it.

15) He knows how to romance his woman.
- He knows how to make her feel special and courts her before and after marriage.
- He shares his heart and feelings with her.

16) He views the love he shares with his wife as a sacred gift to give and receive.

17) He embodies the nature of Christ.

18) He lives a life of unconditional love.

Now, all those points being stated, I am not so naïve as to think that a single man (other than Christ) will embody all of these qualities all of the time. And I believe that a wife is to help her husband in these areas, help him by loving him and supporting him. There’s so much more that I could write but there’s just not enough time.

That being said, there is another post on the way. I’ve been formulating it for awhile, but I want to do a bit more research before I post.

My Indiana Adventure

2008-08-09T22:40:00.000-07:00

For those of you who were unaware, I took a REAL vacation this year. I went to visit my friend Danny, who lives in Indiana. I left on Wednesday July 23rd and came home on Monday July 28th. What follows is a true story, nothing has been made up. The names have not been changed to protect the innocent.

So, July 23rd rolls around and I get up at 1:30 in the morning to leave by 3am so I can get to the airport by 5am. It's a weekday morning and I'm going into Orange County so I'm not sure what traffic will be like. My mom was gracious enough to say that she would take me to the airport, for which I was very grateful. We ended up leaving a little bit after 3, which was fine because there wasn't much traffic and I got to the airport around 4:30. The ticket counter wasn't open yet, so I waited around until a little after 5 when the people got there and got myself checked in and headed up to the gate my plane was taking off from. My flight got there on time and we even took off on time. I had a 30 minute layover in Houston so I figured I would have enough time when we landed to run to the restroom and then catch my plane. Well, the pilot must have decided to slow down a bit because when the plane landed in Houston I only had 10 minutes to get to my connection. So, I finally get off the plane and run the entire terminal (because of course my connection flight is on the opposite side of the terminal) and make it to the gate with like a minute to spare only to notice that the flight has been delayed 30 minutes. Ok, not too terrible, I got a nice little run in and now I can relax until flight time. Well 1:30 rolls around (the new time we're supposed to take off) and there's an announcement that the plane is delayed until 2. Slightly annoying, but ok, they're fixing something on the plane. Two o'clock rolls around and an announcement is made that the flight is delayed until 3. Three o'clock rolls around and the flight is delayed until 4. Four o'clock rolls around (at this point I should have been in Indiana) and the flight is delayed until 5. Five o'clock rolls around and the flight is delayed until 5:30. 5:30 rolls around and the flight is canceled. They then announce that there is only one other flight into Indianapolis that evening and there are only 30 spots on the plane (our flight was full). Needless to say, there was a mad rush to the ticket counter. I was no where near the ticket counter so I didn't even try to make it in line. As I was standing in line I remembered that Danny lives relatively near to Chicago, so I gave him a call and we decided I should just fly into Chicago and he would pick me up from there. So, I finally get to the front of the line, they switch me to a flight into Chicago O'Hare airport. My bags are still going to go to Indianapolis because they're on the plane that is sitting at the airport waiting to get fixed. They tell me that they'll deliver them to Danny's place. I give them Danny's address (because who knows what hotel room I'll be in when I get there) and a description of my bag. I get on my flight to Chicago and finally land a little after 11pm. Danny was there waiting for me so we headed out to his car and started the drive home. By the time we got to his car and started driving it was about midnight (that's 9pm CA time). So, we're driving along (it's about a 2 hour drive from Chicago to Lafayette, the town he lives in) and I look at the radio clock and notice it says 2:30. I don't think too much of it because he has been driving a little slow so I figure it's going to take a little bit longer. A few minutes later I notice a sign go by on the side of the freeway. It says "Welcome to Michigan". Michigan!!!! Danny has obviously missed a turn somewhere. So, he pulls off the freeway into a little rest stop. I get on the phone and call my friend Justin. At this point it's almost midnight in CA, I know he'll be awake and able to get online and look up some maps for me. After a couple of minutes Justin tells me where the wrong turn occurred (we missed the offramp for the 65A) and what we need to do to get back on the right track (turn around and take the 65). So, we turn the car around and head back the way we came. Well, we get a few miles from the 65 and there's a sign on the side of the road announcing that the 65 is closed. I get back on the phone and call Justin again. He does some more looking at maps online and gives me directions for how to take side streets to get around the intersection and back onto the 65. The 65 is the ONLY freeway into Lafayette, so we kinda have to take it. Well, we do our little detour and finally get onto the 65. We get to Lafayette and have to stop by a Walmart. Most of the stuff I need is in my carry-on, however the stuff for my contacts was in my checked bag (more than 3oz of fluid) so I needed stuff for my contacts. We finish up at Walmart and finally get to the hotel and get me checked in. At this point it is 5am (2am CA time), I had been up for 24 hours straight. Needless to say I pretty much fell into bed.

So, here are some pictures for you to look at. After the pictures I'll talk about my trip home.

Justin put this together for me after my wonderful first day of travel.

This is Danny and I.

I really liked the way the sky looked, so I took a picture.

Some random field of flowers.

We picked blueberries.

I made a blueberry pie. It was delicious.

This was at Purdue University.
I thought the metal work around the window was cool.

Some arches at Purdue.

They had little faces carved into buildings.
This one was the funniest.

Windows of one of the Purdue buildings.

An older house in downtown Lafayette.
They had a whole area of houses that were all over 100 years old.

A gate at one of the houses.

Another old house.

I of course had to go to a Borders.
This one is historically protected property.

Entrance to the "south side" of the store.

Entrance to the "north side".

The 2nd floor.

On Monday, since I was flying out of Indianapolis, we decided to walk around the city in the morning/early afternoon before my flight.

This monument sits in the center of the city.
It is a memorial to Indiana residents that have fought in early wars.

This was the top of the monument.

They had fountains surrounding the monument with these buffalo fountains.

This was some of the metal work towards the top of the monument.

Some of the stonework surrounding the monument, and one of the waterfalls.

A closer view of one of the sides of the monument.

A closer view of another side.

This was one of the lamps that surround the monument.

This church was across the street from the monument.
I thought it looked cool.

Ok, so we were in Indianapolis. My flight was at 6:40 so I wanted to be at the airport by 5 so I could get my bag checked and not feel rushed before the plane got there. Danny tells me it only takes 20 minutes to get to the airport so we'll leave by 4:30. Well, 4 rolls around and I'm not feeling totally confident about it only taking 20 minutes to get to the airport, so I tell Danny it's time to start heading out. By the time we got back to the car and Danny found his way to the freeway (remember, he lives in Indiana) it was almost 5. As we're driving a see that the 465 is coming up. I ask Danny if he's going to take it (on the way in I had seen a sign saying the airport was off the 465) since he's quite a few lanes over. After a moment of debating, he remembers that he needs to take the 465. At this point it's 5, I wanted to be at the airport by now. So, we start driving on the 465. 30 minutes later, Danny informs me that we went the wrong way on the 465 but not to worry because it wraps around Indianapolis. I text Justin to make sure that Danny was right in his announcement. A few minutes later Justin calls me to see what's up. I explain the situation and he tells me that, by this time, it faster to just keep going on the 465 to get to the airport. We finally get to the area where the airport is and Danny takes the wrong exit, turns around to get back on the freeway, almost got on the wrong freeway, finally got back onto the right freeway and takes the correct exit. He pulls up to the front of the airport, I grab my bags out of the car, and rush inside (it's 6:05 at this point). There's a bit of a line so I wait in line and finally get up to the counter. They can't find my ticket reservation. I show them my itinerary and my receipt for payment. The guy asks if I had some trouble with my flights on the way out. I explain what happened on the way out and how they exchanged my ticket that was from Houston to Indianapolis to a ticket from Houston to Chicago. Aparantly, what the airline did was exchange not only my ticket from Houston to Indianapolis, but also my two tickets for my flight home. I flew out on Continental, but was flying home on United so I didn't even think that they could do that and didn't think to double check that. So, the United in Indianapolis had to call the United in Houston so the United in Houston could contact the Continental in Houston to get the exchange number and the confirmation number for the exchange ticket so that the United in Indianapolis could reverse the 3 ticket exchange and free up my 2 tickets so I could get home. They finally get it all straighted out at 6:35. Luckily, security was right around the corner from the ticket counter (security had to run my carry-on bag twice) and my gate was incredibly close to security. So, I made it to the gate at 6:40, only to find that my flight had been delayed. Luckily it wasn't too much, only 10 or 15 minutes. My layover this time was in Chicago. I was supposed to have an hour layover, but since the plane was running late, I only had about 30 minutes. Which is fine, no big deal. We actually board on time in Chicago and start our trip to the runway. There were tons of planes in line to take off. I saw 7planes take off. After I saw the 7th plane take off I figured it was almost time for our plane to actually leave the runway and then our plane got out of the line of planes waiting to take off and pulled over to a little side area. The captain came over the intercom and made an announcement that there was a slight electrical problem and we would have to wait until they fixed it. All I could think was, "Oh no, not again!" But, it was an easy fix apparrantly because about 30 minutes later the captain was back on the intercom letting us know he was signing paperwork and we would be on our way. So, we finally get in the air and start flying. About 30 minutes into the flight the captain tells us he would like us to stay seated with our seat belts on because we're flying next to an electrical storm. What the captain failed to tell us, until we were landing in Orange County anyway, is that to avoid flying through the electrical storm from Chicago we flew down to Oklahoma, through Texas, and them back up to Orange County.

Needless to say I was VERY happy when we landed. And even more excited when I saw that my luggage made it as well. So, this whole experience has made me realize three things. One, I will never again get in a car that Danny is driving. Two, I never want to go to Indiana again. Three, I will not fly for a very, very long time.

Life Sucks Sometimes.

2008-08-04T00:01:00.000-07:00

I wish I knew the exact reason why sometimes. I have the general idea of why, there are some theories floating around out there, but not the specific reason. It seems like if it’s not me then it’s happening really close to me, either an immediate family member or friend.

I’ve been hurt, I’m confused, and I want it all to stop. I keep asking God, “Why? Why are you letting this happen?”…I’m still waiting for a response. It seems like something gets taken care of and three more pop up in place of the one that was taken care of.

I do have pictures (not a lot, but some) from my trip to Indiana. My trip deserves at least 1 blog if not more. I just have been so busy trying to get stuff finished up for Sunday (Camp Day!!!!). Now it’s over and I will hopefully have time to get stuff done.

My Friday

2008-06-21T13:47:00.001-07:00

I wrote this last night but I still wanted to post it.

Let me share with you my wonderfully craptastic day.

My day began at 6:30 in the morning. My step-dad was on the way to hospital with a ruptured bowel and my mom needed my help to get her room ready for a sub. So, I got up, threw on some clothes, and headed out the door to a middle school in San Bernardino. I spent an hour there and then we rushed into Riverside to see my step-dad. We got to Riverside Community Hospital at about 9am. My step-dad was checked in at 7:30 am. They still had not done a CAT scan and he had yet to see a doctor. It’s emergency, I can see that they would be a little swamped. I ran home, got a few things and went back to the hospital. I got back around 11am, at which point they were finally doing a CAT scan. I ended up leaving the hospital at around 2:30pm. At the time I had left one doctor had been in (for a grand total of 2 maybe 3 minutes) to give absolutely no information whatsoever and to answer none of the questions that were asked of him. The surgeon still had not been in to see him to determine if he needed surgery or not (I know I’m not a doctor but a body leaking stool out of the abdomen seems like an operation type of thing) and he was still not admitted.

I got home about 3pm, did some stuff around the house, took a shower, and left to meet a friend (Justin) to go see the Riverside Concert Band perform. About 6pm I called my mom to see what was up with my step-dad. They finally had him admitted and in a room. Come to find out the doctor that was in the room for 2 minutes had signed admittance papers but never came back to tell us, they were apparently searching for a room. The ONLY reason they found out he was admitted was because they called the insurance company…THE INSURANCE COMPANY!!!! A surgeon still had not been in to see him. After much haggling of the ER staff it was discovered that they intended to keep him over the weekend to see how he was doing, so he might not see a surgeon until Sunday or Monday. All of this by 6:30 in the evening. At this point, I’ve been up for 12 hours.

After the bands performance we went over to another friends house (Meagan) to hang out, have a couple of drinks and chill. All is fine, we’re chatting, laughing at one another, you know the typical stuff friends do. I have to use the restroom, a natural enough occurrence after an intake of fluids. Well, I forgot I had my cell phone in my back pocket. It fell in the toilet. There was nothing in the toilet, but I washed it off anyway. So now, my cell phone has the battery off, drying out so it will hopefully work again. Good times thus far. Well, around comes 1 in the morning or so. Justin and I decide we should probably take off, so we hug Meagan goodbye and head off. We’re driving back to his place (that’s where my truck is) chatting and talking about the events of the day, including my stupid cell phone mishap, and we finally get back to his place. I take my stuff out of his car, place it on the passenger side of my truck and walk around to the drivers side. Lo and behold, my truck had been egged at some point during the evening. By 2am it was dried, some parts even looked cooked. There was nothing I could do at Justin’s so I drove home. Once I got home I found a bucket and rag, poured some soap into the bucket, pulled out the hose, and washed my truck…at 2:30 in the morning.

So, here it is 3:30 in the morning. I’ve been up for 21 hours thus far. I’m typing this blog in Word because the internet is down right now. I guess I’ll try getting online after a few hours of sleep. All I can do is laugh. Because if I don’t laugh I’m going to burst into tears.

Oh, and my phone is now working! Yea!

Crafts Have Gone Too Far...

2008-05-22T16:29:00.000-07:00

I've been online searching for images for an evite that I'm putting together for our next Pipeline All Volunteer meeting.

This is what I found...

A crocheted, hamburger dress.

And if that wasn't enough, you can get the candy corn purse to go with it.

I am such a geek

2008-05-16T13:07:00.000-07:00

I am currently sitting at the Embassy Suites hotel in Frisco Texas. I've been here since Thursday morning. We were supposed to fly in Wednesday evening but there was a storm. We got diverted to Houston. I have to say it was pretty amazing seeing the lighting in the clouds as we were flying through them. It was slightly scary, but definitely cool looking. Anyway, we got diverted to Houston and landed in Dallas 4 hours after we were supposed to. Then we get to the rental car agency and they have only one car left on the lot. Amazingly we all fit into it, with luggage. God truly does work miracles. We get to the hotel and they had given away one of our rooms so there was only one room for all 6 of us. They shipped 3 of us off to a difference hotel for the evening. Luckily, or rather, by the grace of God, things calmed down yesterday and have been going smoothly since.

Anyway, the reason I'm at the Embassy Suites in Frisco Texas is for a conference. Not just any conference, but a geek conference. I'm here to learn more about Fellowship Technologies. This is the program that our church uses as much as possible. We are always learning new ways in which we can use the program. So, I'm here to learn how to better implement the program. It has been AMAZING! I've learned so much. I've gotten tons of tips on how to better apply functions and how to troubleshoot current problems. I went to an amazing session by Mark Lindsley on how to better format event registration. Online camp sign-ups are going to go so much smoother next year. I'm really excited about what's being covered and how to apply it when we get home.

We actually have tonight off, so we're going to a minor league baseball game. The field sits right behind the hotel, so we'll veg for an hour or so before the game starts and head over and relax and fellowship together.

It's been great! I'm loving it!

I figured it out...

2008-05-02T15:31:00.000-07:00

Today was my uncles funeral. I didn't attend the funeral because it was in Ohio. I've been having a rough week and I couldn't figure out why, until yesterday evening. My mom called me to tell me that they were putting together my uncles memorial board and she was missing my help. After I got off the phone I realized that putting together the memorial board is how I've dealt with the deaths in my family. When my aunt passed away 5 years ago, I put together her memorial board and put together a disc of music to be played at the service. When my grandmother passed away in January, I put together her memorial board and helped pick out the hymns that would be sung at her service. I have not help in any way with my uncles memorial service. I didn't get to put together the memorial board and I didn't help with the music in any way.

My poor students, I've gotten so frustrated with them this week over little things that wouldn't normally bother me. Hopefully I'll do better next week with keeping my personal frustrations from intruding on my work.

Reading

2008-05-01T04:37:00.000-07:00

I thought I’d post about what I’m reading. I thought about doing it at the beginning of the New Year, but for some reason never got around to it.

At the start of the New Year I made the decision that I was going to do a daily devotional. I remembered Matt talking about a daily prayer book that he was having the church staff go through, so off I went to the store to see if I could find it. Lo and behold, there is was on the shelf so I picked it up.

However there was also another daily devotional book I saw that looked pretty interesting, so I picked that up as well.

While the first book helps put me in the right frame of mind as far as praying first and foremost in my life, the second book helps me make that connection between a biblical figure and a modern day situation. It’s amazing how often the two devotions overlap to cover the same topic. I think God’s trying to get me to realize something.

About the same time that I decided to start a daily devotion my small group was challenged by our leader to pick one spiritual area to work on and a personal area to work on. Well, my spiritual area was decided upon, daily devotionals to bring me closer to God on a daily basis. My personal area was that I had decided to face my past. I had two books that I had purchased in the past to help me look at how what has happened to me has affected who I am and how I perceive things. So, I decided to start with those two books. The first book I read…

helped me realize the importance of forgiveness. It helped me realize that what I thought was forgiveness really wasn’t and that I still needed to work through some things. The second book I read…

helped me see how I had let my past directly affect who I am today and how I can go about changing that. Not to say that everything is perfectly ok now, but I think I have made quite a bit of progress. I’m still growing and still learning, but the point is that I am growing and learning; I am no longer stagnant in pain.

I finished my second book last week and was at a standstill as to where I needed to go next. Then I was reminded that my goal is to be a Proverbs 31 woman. (For those of you that don’t know, that is my “life verse”.) That brought the question to mind, if my goal is to be a Proverbs 31 woman, shouldn’t I be looking for a Proverbs 31 man? What type of man was the Proverbs 31 woman married to? I had started a “list” years ago but never got around to actually looking at what it all meant. So I decided to find out what a Proverbs 31 man is. I found this book.

This is my third book I will be reading this year. I read the first chapter on Tuesday. My goal with this book is to realize who it is, character-wise, that God would have me marry in the future, and to put into my mind who I should be praying for on a daily basis.

So that is where I am at this point in my life. Prayers for discernment and patience would be appreciated. Yes, I really do want prayer for patience.

Wow, I haven’t written a post this long in quite awhile. For those of you who stuck with it, congrats!

Ugh!

2008-04-30T12:17:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been attracted to someone that you know you really shouldn't be attracted to? That's me.

It sucks!

Tattoo

2008-04-19T11:48:00.000-07:00

I finally got my tattoo! My first tattoo was in memory of my aunt, Kathy, who passed away July 2003. This tattoo is one that I’ve been thinking about for a couple of years, since I got my first tattoo actually.

One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Romans 12:2 which states, “Do not be conformed to this world, rather be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” The one thing that always reminds me of this verse is a butterfly. So, about a year ago I started looking at pictures of butterflies. I didn’t want the tattoo to be a cartoon looking butterfly, I wanted it to be an actual butterfly, one of God’s creations. In my searchings, I ran across a picture of the butterfly below.

This is the female Diana Fritillary. The females are either blue or purple in color and the males are orange or yellow. I had found my butterfly. Not only was it beautiful but it had the same name as me! Then it was down to waiting. I guess you could say waiting to work up the courage to go and get another tattoo. Not that getting a tattoo was incredibly painful, it hurts but not that badly, but the courage to follow through.

Well, last night was that night. I called up Meagan and Elise, asked what they were doing and if they wanted to go with me to get my tattoo.

So, off we trekked to Red Door in Grand Terrace. A gentleman by the name of David did my tattoo. He listened to Meagan and Elise for 2 hours, he’s got a LOT of patience.

What follows is a short visual representation of my evening. Enjoy!

Meagan and Elise, my two amazing friends who kept me company for 2 hours.

My arm before the tattoo. Meagan said I had to have a picture of it.

The outline, which only took about 15 minutes.

If you look in the mirror you can see Meagan making funny faces.

She kept making me laugh, it was hard to sit still.

David hard at work.
If you look at his hat you’ll notice it says, Lovely day for a Guinness.

Talking to Elise. I think this was the point she asked me if it hurt.

About half-way through the black shading.

Elise watching.

The first layer of blue shading.

Another picture of David hard at work, ignoring Megan and Elise completely.

Good choice on his part.

I was intrigued. I could not stop watching him work.The second layer of blue shading. Right before he started on the white.

All done! Cleaning it up, getting all the extra ink off.

The final product!

I hope you enjoyed!

I'm so happy!!

2008-04-13T23:13:00.000-07:00

Today, the Finland team returned to Riverside. This makes me extremely happy because my brother was in Finland for 10 days. Don't get me wrong, I'm very glad that he went, but I missed him. I also missed Eddie, a good friend, who gives good hugs, and is like another brother to me. So, I am happy that they are back. And everyone loves pictures, so some pictures follow.

Sam and Eddie when they first got to the gym after driving from LAX
after a 20 hour flight from Finland.

Eddie!

Sam with the gift he brought me from Finland.

My gift!
Finland vodka in Finland chocolate!
They're pretty tasty.

Quantum of Solace

2008-04-03T00:55:00.000-07:00

I'm having trouble sleeping so I decided to play online.

I'm probably way late in discovering this, but....A new Bond film is in production! Scheduled release date of November 7, 2008! I'm really, really excited! From what I've read online it is a remake of the 1960 film of "For Your Eyes Only" which originally was going to be called Quantum of Solace. I found a couple of possible posters for the new film.

Motions Team

2008-03-29T21:40:00.001-07:00

We had motions practice today.

We have a practice once a month, on the last Saturday of the month. We practice from 10am until 6pm. Yes, you read that right, 10 am until 6pm. Now that practice includes quite a few things. Let me give you a run down...

10 - 10:15am -> The kids arrive
10:15 - 11am -> Ice Breaker and the Lame Name Game (If you don't know what the Lame Name Game is, you're missing out)
11am - 12pm -> Bible Study; we look at a verse that deals with worship and the different ways to worship
12 - 1:15pm -> LUNCH!
1:15 - 6pm -> Practice, with breaks as needed

Now, if we finish practicing what we need to then we get to sit and watch a movie or play a game. Today, we finished early; about an hour early. So we watched "Happily N'ever After". It's a cute twist on the Cinderella story. Today we had Kilyn, Reighanna, Sadie, Rachel, Paige, Macey, and Chance. And then of course Rebekah who is my amazing assistant was there to help run things and teach them new songs. The girls curled up on one couch and Chance and Rebekah were on the other. They were just too cute so I had to take a picture.

Left to Right: Sadie, Macey, Kilyn, Reighanna, Rachel, Paige

Rebekah and Chance

It was an excellent day. Extremely tiring but very good.

Thursday Randomness

2008-03-06T20:26:00.000-08:00

So, here I sit while a student works on his lab report. I thought I would take the opportunity to write a post on my blog.

I went to Disneyland today. I taught this morning, drove down to Anaheim for a few hours then came back to teach my evening lab. It was fun going for just a few hours, not too overwhelming. I got to go with my friend Bekah and her brother and nieces. It's always a new experience going with little ones.

I had an epiphany the other day, about myself. So now I'm working through this horrible realization I've made about myself and discovering how to change so I can be more Christ-like in my behavior. I think I spent 3 hours straight crying on Tuesday evening between realizing what I was doing and then spending time in prayer asking for forgiveness from God and then going and talking to a friend and asking for forgiveness from that person. Needless to say I was spent spiritually, emotionally and physically by the time I got home Tuesday evening.

And now, I'm going to go pick up the lab room and get ready to go home.

%^P

2008-02-27T15:26:00.000-08:00

I just want to say...so far this week has sucked! I think what makes it worse is that the past few weeks have been so great. And so that I don't say anything mean, I'm going to go now.

Weekend Fun

2008-02-11T20:18:00.001-08:00

This weekend was a weekend of firsts for me. I went to my first concert and I went rock climbing for the first time.

A group of us went to a concert in L.A. on Friday.

L -> R: David, Raylyn, Eddie, Me, Bekah

Us girls dancing.

Sunday after Pipeline we went indoor rock climbing at Hangar18 in Upland.

L -> R: Serena, Me, Eddie, Justin, Bekah, and David

Here we are learning to tie the rope properly so we don't fall to our deaths.

I'm actually climbing! That's Eddie to my right.
(Although I only got about half-way up the wall before I fell)

Updates!

2008-01-31T12:50:00.000-08:00

I have updated my links! Sorry Jessica that it took me so long to update Marchen Studios.

I've also added two new blogs...

Drew is a friend who has put up with me for over 10 years.
Joe is a student of mine who is taking physics for fun! And y'all thought I was strange.

Anyway, stop by the new blogs, say hi, or not.

Let's try this again, shall we.

2008-01-28T20:18:00.001-08:00

So, it’s been ages since I last posted. I think I should quit promising to be more consistent in my blog posting and then I don’t have to feel guilty.

Well, life has been quite hectic the last month or so. I’ve been sort of living in denial. My grandmother passed away at the beginning of the month. I have to say, I’m a little jealous; she gets to go home and party and I’m stuck here on earth. But, last week was seriously the best week ever! It was amazing, God blessed me abundantly. I got to share the salvation message with a student (who kept asking me questions!) and I got to share with two, count them 2, fellow professors at the university in the physics department. I got to have a blast with friends on Friday night, and Saturday night. Sunday was an amazing day and I got all the stuff done that I needed to with time to relax. Then after church I went out yet again with some pretty amazing people that I love dearly.

And because everyone loves pictures, here’s some pictures from my life lately...

Meltdown On Main Street!

This is what happens when Elise and I don't get our naps...
We throw temper tantraums and pout in the middle of Main Street at Disneyland.
This one was for you Nathan!

Trip To Roscoes House of Chicken and Waffles!
Don't knock it 'til you try it.

Me, Raylyn, and Eddie

Trina and David...David looks a little psycho,
but I promise he's as normal and the next Pipeline volunteer.

HeeHee

2008-01-10T19:32:00.000-08:00

This is what I do when I'm bored in lab.

I have to say, I'm rather pleased that Lynda Carter is on there...I look like Wonder Woman!

Freak-Out!

2007-12-16T21:45:00.000-08:00

So tonight I was standing in the back of the gym during worship because I always stand in the back and a gentleman walked in who looked almost exactly like my dad. I have to admit I panicked for a split second when I thought it was him and felt an immense relief when I realized that it wasn't him. I haven't talked with my dad for over a year. I haven't seen/talked with my dad since I confronted him the week before Thanksgiving last year.

It just goes to show that I still have quite a bit to work through.

Oh yea, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my baby bro! He's 23 today.

Thought Vomit

2007-11-26T20:04:00.000-08:00

I've been incognito for awhile now. Not only have I not been posting, but I haven't been reading blogs either. I feel so behind the times. Oh so much to write and so little desire to write it. I had a birthday, it was fun. I went to Disneyland with a couple a friends. I would post pictures, but I haven't gotten copies of pictures yet. One of these days I might actually buy a camera for myself.

But the thing, or rather I should say person, that has really been consuming my thoughts is my grandma. She is progressively getting worse. Sam and I went out for Thanksgiving; we left Wednesday afternoon and came home on Friday evening. My grandma is now bed-ridden. It's so hard to see her in so much pain; I don't want her to be in pain. I don't want her to die, but I don't want her to live in pain. I want her to know that it's ok to let go and I don't think I did a very good job of conveying that to her while I was there. I know I’m part of the reason she wants to stick around. The oldest grandchild (a girl) is still not married with no prospects even remotely close. While we were there we got a call and my uncle is in the hospital, his bone cancer is back again and the chemo isn’t helping this time. Then to top it off the dog (who lives with my grandparents but I raised him) has cancer in his tail bone. My family is cancer happy it seems.

However, all that being said, I am truly doing ok. Emotionally I’m drained from everything that has been going on, but I’m not worrying about anything and I’m not trying to control the situation, I’m giving it to God.

I am such a teacher

2007-11-13T17:42:00.001-08:00

Meet my new stapler. It is AMAZING! It can staple up to 25 sheets at a time, and you only need one finger to staple. There is practically no resistance when pushing down. Again, it is amazing. I know, I know, I am really showing my nerdiness right now.

I LOVE this story

2007-11-13T16:51:00.000-08:00

This was posted by one of my MySpace friends. I really enjoy this story and thought I would share it with you, on the rare chance that you have not seen it yet.

A science professor begins his school year with a lecture to the students, "Let me explain the problem science has with religion." The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.

"You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"

"Yes sir," the student says.

"So you believe in God?"

"Absolutely."

"Is God good?"

"Sure! God's good."

"Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?"

"Yes."

"Are you good or evil?"

"The Bible says I'm evil."

The professor grins knowingly. "Aha! The Bible!" He considers for a moment. "Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?"

"Yes sir, I would."

"So you're good...!"

"I wouldn't say that."

"But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't."

The student does not answer, so the professor continues. "He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?"

The student remains silent.

"No, you can't, can you?" the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax.

"Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?"

"Er...yes," the student says.

"Is Satan good?"

The student doesn't hesitate on this one. "No."

"Then where does Satan come from?"

The student falters. "From God"

"That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?"

"Yes, sir."

"Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?"

"Yes."

"So who created evil?" The professor continued, "If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil."

Again, the student has no answer. "Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?"

The student squirms on his feet. "Yes."

"So who created them?"

The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question. "Who created them?" There is still no answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized. "Tell me," he continues onto another student. "Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?"

The student's voice betrays him and cracks. "Yes, professor, I do."

The old man stops pacing. "Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?"

"No sir. I've never seen Him."

"Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?"

"No, sir, I have not."

"Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?"

"No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't."

"Yet you still believe in him?"

"Yes."

"According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?"

"Nothing," the student replies. "I only have my faith."

"Yes, faith," the professor repeats. "And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith."

The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of His own. "Professor, is there such thing as heat?"

"Yes," the professor replies. "There's heat."

"And is there such a thing as cold?"

"Yes, son, there's cold too."

"No sir, there isn't."

The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain. "You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest -458 degrees."

"Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it."

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.

"What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?"

"Yes," the professor replies without hesitation. "What is night if it isn't darkness?"

"You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word."

"In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?"

The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester. "So what point are you making, young man?"

"Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed."

The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time. "Flawed? Can you explain how?"

"You are working on the premise of duality," the student explains. "You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought."

"It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it."

"Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?"

"If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do."

"Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?"

The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.

"Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?"

The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided.

"To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean."

The student looks around the room. "Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?" The class breaks out into laughter.

"Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, touched or smelt the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir."

"So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?"

Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable.

Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. "I guess you'll have to take them on faith."

"Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life," the student continues. "Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?"

Now uncertain, the professor responds, "Of course, there is. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil."

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

I'm so excited.....

2007-10-29T21:06:00.000-07:00

and I just can’t hide it, I’m about to lose control.

So, I’m driving home this evening from the college listening to the “Comin’ On Strong” album by Carman. You’ve more than likely never heard of him, but I grew up listening to him. Anyway, listening to this “blast from the past” started me thinking about a blog Los wrote last week asking what we wanted to be when we grew up. When I read his question all I could remember was that I wanted to be a teacher when I grew up, and I am. However, singing along to Blessed Is He Who Comes, I remembered wanting to be a back-up singer for Carman. I never wanted to be the one that everyone saw, but I wanted to sing. That got me thinking about what I do on Sunday’s. I get to sing every Sunday with Eddie, who is an awesome musician, and I get to work with first through sixth graders and show them how much fun it can be to worship God and that it’s not just about singing a song. How incredibly awesome is that? Then that brought me to the thought that I really can’t imagine being anywhere else in my life. God is AMAZING and has worked things out way better than I ever could have. So that started me thinking about exactly where I am in my life and what I thought (when I was a kid) I would be doing at this point in my life and how it differs, one of those being that I’m still happily single (ok, well maybe not COMPLETELY happy, but pretty happy). Which got me thinking about this guy that I’m attracted to but do not want to date and I’ve been wondering why I don’t want to date him. I mean, he’s a pretty great guy, lots of great qualities. And it hit me, we are way too similar. I need someone that’s going to balance me out and that is not him. So, now I’m home, typing my thoughts, and feeling euphoric about all these little break-through’s I’ve had this evening. Yea for Diana!

I'm teaching right now....

2007-10-16T19:03:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in lab right now watching my students work. I'd post a picture but it might be kind of disconcerting for them if I snapped a picture while they were working so hard to figure out what they're supposed to be doing. This lab is nice because they really get to start doing some real physics

Do you ever feel like this?

2007-10-13T22:07:00.000-07:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

I do.

Aren't They Cute?

2007-10-12T12:03:00.001-07:00

If you ignore me in the back isn't this a cute picture? I love my motions team kids, they're awesome and they bring a smile to my face every Sunday.

I've been tagged...

2007-10-12T12:02:00.001-07:00

Apparently I've been tagged. Sorry it took me so long Patty. I guess I'm supposed to list 8 interesting things about myself or horrible things will happen to me. Here goes...

1) I am OCD, I have to do almost everything in sets of two. I literally can not have just one chip, I have to have two.

2) I will purposefully sing off key when by myself so that I know how horrible I can sound.

3) I don't like diamonds.

4) Medicine tends to react oppositely of the way it should with me. For example, benadryl hypes me up and my inhaler makes me sleep.

5) I am a Christian AND teach physics, not a common combination.

6) I love to act like a little kid but rarely do for fear of being judged.

7) If something scares me I will do it just because it does scare me.

8) I hate talking on the phone.

Now, who to tag??? I'll tag Grace and Sam.

ER

2007-10-01T11:32:00.000-07:00

Well, I went to emergency yesterday evening and got home about 1 this morning. My cyst broke, although I'm not exactly sure when, probably last weekend. Got a shot of morphine, got a CT scan, then they discharged me. I'm still in a little bit of pain, but nothing like I have been.

Just a little humor to share; following are some of my favorite quotes from the evening...
1) The doctor telling the patient in the bed next to me, "We'll leave no stone unturned," after telling him he probably had kidney stones.
2) Clint asking the nurse/doctor, "Can we use the paddles on her, I want to see her jump."
3) Clint saying, "I'm sterile now!" after washing his hands.

There were many more things that made me laugh, but I can't remember them all right now. Thank you to Clint, Sam, Mom, Carle, Steven, and Bailey for keeping it light-hearted while they tried to find the problem. You all are awesome. Thank you to everyone who has been praying for me, I greatly appreciate it.

Day 12

2007-09-25T20:22:00.000-07:00

Just a quick update. However, much more manageable pain than on Sunday.

Not Typical

2007-09-23T21:14:00.000-07:00

It's Sunday. Albeit, not for very much longer, but it is still Sunday. Sunday's are supposed to be my favorite day. I get to help out at Pipeline, love on kids, sing to God, dance and make a fool of myself. Then I get to spend the afternoon relaxing and organizing stuff from the morning services. And last but not least, night service. When I get to fellowship with other believers who love on me as I love on them, and then we get to praise God with an awesomely talented worship team. And when church is over I get to hang out and meet new people and help get them plugged in. Usually, this is what happens on Sunday.

Today was not a typical Sunday. See, today is the 10th, continuous, day that I have been in pain. It's like cramps but they're not going away, and they seem to get a little worse every day. I couldn't practice with my motions team at Pipeline because I couldn't dance, it hurt too much. I couldn't play with the kids like I usually do, it hurt too much. I couldn't relax this afternoon, there's no comfortable position for me. I couldn't be in the gym during worship this evening, the bass vibrated my insides, it hurt too much.

I know it probably sounds like I'm complaining, but I promise I not. This is my way of realizing that this much pain is not a good thing to put up with. Yet, I can't bring myself to go to urgent care or the emergency room. I don't want them to just give me some shot for the pain and then the shot wears off and the pain is still there. I guess I just need to bite the bullet and go.

The Highlight of My Day

2007-09-18T00:57:00.001-07:00

So, I get home tonight around 10 and I have a package sitting on my bed from "PW Merchandising". About a month ago I pre-ordered Paul Wright's new cd "Kingdom Come". This package was my pre-ordered cd! The cd I ordered was autographed. I expected just a generic signature of his name. So, imagine my surprise when I opened it up and it was autographed to me.

Not only was the cover autographed, but the cd was autographed as well.

How awesome is that? That an artist would take the time to autograph each cd individually to each person that ordered one. I realize it doesn't take that long to plug in a name but it shows the thoughtfulness of the artist. Another reason why I think Paul Wright is such an awesome artist.

Then about 11 Sam gets home. He hadn't had dinner yet so I went with him to everyone's favorite 24 hour restaurant.
Ok, not really, but it's the only place that's open 24 hours in Moreno Valley. We had the usual nerdy conversations. I think my favorite comment from Sam was, "I knew I studied chemistry for something, dinner conversation." I love my family, we're all such nerds.

Disneyland

2007-09-11T19:45:00.001-07:00

Last Wednesday I went to Disneyland with Sam (my brother), Clint, and Chris; I know it's almost a week later. On the rapids ride we met Logan. He must be about 8 or 9 and is from Seattle, Washington; he was there with his dad. The six of us enjoyed riding the rapids (and getting soaked) several times in a row. Anyway, here's the pictures that were taken, I just got them from Chris today, enjoy.

From Left to Right: Clint, Sam, Me, Logan, Chris

Clint being the goofball he is.

Clint said we HAD to take this picture.

We had lunch at the Blue Bayou (where Sam works).

Clint eating his soup.

Chris surprised Sam while he was in the middle of a bite.

And last, but not least, me with my goofy smile.

Addicted?

2007-09-09T22:55:00.000-07:00

Snap had an addicted to blogging quiz on his blog, so I took it.

57%

Mingle² - Free Dating Site

So, how addicted to blogging are you?

So Bright, the space station can see them

2007-09-09T22:46:00.000-07:00

Today after Pipeline, before evening service we had a Pipeline Leadership meeting. I think it was funny we were all wearing our glow in the dark, so bright even a blind man can see them, safety green (even though they look yellow) Pipeline shirts.

Really, these pictures do not do them justice. They really are blinding. As you can see, I was the class clown that took pictures during an important meeting.

On another note, it was mildly humorous, slightly ironic that Matt's message today was about being truthful with your small group about what is going on in your life. This Wednesday's small group marks the beginning of our accountability sessions. I told Matt afterwards he must have known we were starting accountability this week, he laughed at me.

Saturday Musings

2007-09-08T15:54:00.000-07:00

It's been an incredibly busy week for me. Although thinking back over the week, not a typical busy week for me when I get into the swing of things. School still hasn't started up for me yet. Classes don't start until September 20th. So all I'm doing is working at Borders (only about 15 hours a week) and volunteering at the church office. I think I've gotten lazy this summer. Although I am looking forward to classes starting up again, I've missed my students.

On another note, last weekend my parents went out to Arizona to see my grandparents.
My grandma decided to go through radiation treatments for her cancer. The doctors are trying to shrink the tumor before they do a second surgery. Because of the type of cancer it is it will be a radical surgery. Apparently the type of cancer it is has cancer spores on the outside of the tumor so when they took out the first tumor (not knowing what type of cancer it was) some spores were left behind which is why a second tumor has started growing. My mom told me it was about the size of a softball. Anyway, when they go in to remove the second tumor not only will they remove the tumor but they will remove a good portion of the flesh/muscle in that area as well. Needless to say, my grandma is very weak from the radiation treatments, and she's very sick as well. I've been trying not to think about it.

Just Another Sunday

2007-09-02T17:18:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here in the gym, being bored out of my mind. I've been killing flies all afternoon; as soon as I kill one it seems that three more pop up in their place. All that's left now are the smart flies that disappear as soon as I have my shoe in my hand. A few minutes ago I got a visitor. This is Eddie Chern, he's part of the connections team and should be studying right now but he's having difficulty focusing. I mean, who really wants to read 90 pages of an accounting book?
So, that's my little blurb for the afternoon. I'm going to go try and kill some more flies now.

The Old Pirate

2007-08-28T18:41:00.000-07:00

I've finally finished my pirate story. It ended up being almost 7 pages typed, so it's rather long. I didn't do much research, so the ships names listed (and the pirate captains name) are real names from history however I'm not sure if the merchant ship and the pirate ship sailed the 7 seas at the same time. Let me know what you think.

He sat at the table with tears streaming down his face. The gold gleamed in the sunlight; the jewels reflected the light in a multitude of colors. In one hand he held a bottle of rum and in the other he held the picture of her. He didn’t know whether to consider her an angel or a demon. She had walked into his life and left as if nothing had ever occurred. He had never been the same after they had met all those years ago. He thought back to that fateful day.

It was a beautiful bright Monday morning. The day was young and so was he. He walked down the lane towards the city with a slight bounce in his step. The pace was quick and he fast approached his destination. Typically he dreaded going to the city, but for some reason today he was looking forward to it.

As the dirt turned to cobblestones he took stock of his surroundings. He was amazed at the growth of the city in just the last few months. His pace slowed considerably as he looked at all of the new buildings. He wondered to himself how people could stand to be so close to each other.

Suddenly he saw her, the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. Her long auburn hair cascaded down her back. He must meet this buxom beauty; he determined that he must find someone who could introduce him. His feet couldn’t move but his eyes followed her as she continued down the street. He watched as she walked into the tavern. What was she doing walking into a tavern; that was no place for a lady to be.

A few moments later he walked into the tavern and quickly scanned the room. There she was in the far corner, talking to a slightly older man. He walked up to the bar and asked for a stein. As he took his drink he heard a loud slap over the din in the tavern. He turned and saw her holding her cheek with a lone tear beginning the path towards her jaw line. As she walked towards the door he paid the bartender and followed her out. She stood a few feet away from the tavern composing herself. He approached her in a manner he hoped would not startle her.

“Pardon me, ma’am, I don’t mean to intrude however I could not help noticing what happened in the tavern and was wondering if there was anything I could do to help,” he offered.

She turned to look at him with a cold confused stare.

“I’m sorry sir, have we met?” she asked icily.

“My goodness, I seem to have forgotten my manners. I am William Smith.”

“Well Mr. Smith, I fail to see how my personal matters are any of your business,” she sniffed.

“I apologize ma’am. It’s just that it makes my blood boil to see a beautiful young lady such as yourself mistreated so.”

He saw her stiff veneer soften slightly and hoped that he would be able to get her name. “This may be too bold, but may I walk you home?”

“I do not think that my husband would be fond of that idea.” His heart sank in his chest, she was a married woman. “However, since my husband seems to be incapacitated at the moment, I will say yes. And as I am sure you are wondering my name is Sarah Johnson.”

He felt as if he were floating. “Mrs. Johnson, it is a pleasure to meet you. I just wish it had been under more agreeable circumstances.”

They walked side by side for a few moments before the silence was broken. “I certainly hope you will not assume this to be a regular occurrence Mr. Smith,” she stated.

“I am in the city very infrequently Mrs. Johnson. I live in the country at Willow Creek Manor and only come into town for supplies every few months. So you need not worry about me being around often,” he replied.

Soon afterwards they came upon Mrs. Johnson’s home. “Thank you Mr. Smith for walking me home.”

“My pleasure Mrs. Johnson. A good day to you.”

“A good day to you Mr. Smith.” And with that he tipped his hat, turned around and left.

A couple of years passed and still he thought of her. He wondered what might have been had she not been married. Would he even have had the chance to meet her? On a chilly winter afternoon a letter arrived addressed to him in a small feminine script. Curiosity filled his mind as he reached for his letter opener. As he read his heart dropped, then jumped into his throat. It was from her. She mentioned his kindness despite her cold demeanor and asked for his help. Would he please come to see her at his earliest convenience?

The next day he stood on her door step and rang the bell. Thoughts raced through his mind of why Mrs. Johnson might want to see him. As the butler opened the door he presented his card and was shown into the library. A few moments later she joined him.

As he left the house several hours later his mind reeled. What had he done? What had he agreed to? He slowly made his way home contemplating the consequences of the actions he had agreed to take.

He tried to remember exactly what he was feeling that day. To this day he was still unsure of why exactly he had decided to help her. He looked at the picture he held in his right hand as he took a swig out of the bottle he held in his left.

“Why Sarah? Why did you leave me so?” he cried out.

He tearfully laid his head upon the table and let his memories overtake him once again.

Plans had been laid. Preparations were almost complete. They were coming upon the day when they would actually take action.

“Sarah, are you sure you want to go through with this?” he asked. “I’m sure there’s another way.”

“This is the only way William,” she replied with grim determination.

He could tell by looking at her that there would be no dissuading her from completing what had been started. She glanced at him and he smiled to show his support. He knew that he would do anything for her, all she need do is ask.

They completed their day with minimal conversation. Tomorrow was the day. Tomorrow all of their planning would be tested.

As William left the house he heard his name being called. He turned around to see Sarah exiting the library and coming towards him.

“William, before you leave I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your help.”

“Sar…”

“Wait, let me finish,” she interrupted. “I just wanted to tell you I would never have been able to do this without you. You have become a very dear friend to me; you will always hold a place in my heart.” With that she reached up and placed a kiss on his cheek.

“Sarah, I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t say anything William.”

She turned towards the library, “Now go, I will see you tomorrow.”

“Goodbye Sarah.” He thought he saw a tear in her eye but then decided it was just the lighting. He turned and walked out the door.

The sun rose the next day with its fierce, bright light shining through Williams bedroom window as always. However the day felt different to him. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but it was different. Getting ready, he thought about the day ahead, what he must do. He was soon dressed and headed out the door.

Heading towards the city William thought the future looked very bright indeed. Sarah’s kiss yesterday had pleasantly surprised him. Maybe his feelings were not one sided after all. He looked up, after what seemed like merely seconds, and noticed he was already in front of his destination.

He rang the bell and a few moments later the door was answered.

“Good morning John. Is Mrs. Johnson in? She’s expecting me.” he asked, knowing the answer he would get.

“I’m sorry Mr. Smith. Mrs. Johnson left late last night. However, she said to give you this letter when you stopped by today.”

That was definitely not the answer he was expecting. He numbly took the letter that was being handed to him and turned away from the door as it was being shut. Looking at the letter he could tell it was Sarah’s writing. He sat on the steps as he opened the letter to read it.

“Dear William,

I am sorry to leave you a letter and not speak to you directly. However,

after your comment yesterday I felt I must do this on my own. My words

yesterday were truth and I spoke them from my heart. I am forever

grateful for your help in this matter and I will never forget you. Do not try

looking for me, for I have found a new destination. I must start over on my

own, please try to understand.

Humbly Yours,

Sarah”

William stood up and started walking. He had no destination in mind, but he soon ended up in front of the shipyards. He stood there watching the hustle and bustle of the sailors coming and going from ships, the loading and unloading of cargo, and the dock master telling people what they needed to do. On an impulse he walked up to the dock master and asked how he might sign up to be a sailor.

The dock master took one look at him and asked, “What’s her name son?”

“Sarah,” he replied despondently.

“This ship here, the Maria of Boston, is ready to sail in a few days time. The captain’s that wiry fellow standing over there.”

William approached the captain and introduced himself and informed the captain he was a quick learner and had nothing to lose. After a few moments of conversation William had secured a spot on the ship.

They set sail the following day. Although the sun was bright, William felt nothing but gloom as he sailed away from his previous life.

William was true to his word. He learned quickly and was soon one of the top sailors on the ship. He worked as though each day was his last, giving every bit of energy he had to forget his past pain.

One night William awoke to the sound of canon blasts and the violent rocking of the ship beneath him.

He remembered that night so well. What surprised him to this day was the lack of fear that he felt. He remembered instead the feeling of relief; relief that he would no longer suffer.

He ran on deck to do what he could. However as he reached the top of the stairs he realized that it was too late and he was violently yanked upwards by two pairs of arms. He looked around and recognized the filthy rags before him as men who called themselves pirates.

William felt nothing. He watched listlessly as the captain of the pirate ship boarded the ship and approached the line of sailors. As the ships new captain reached the first sailor William wondered what would happen to them. The pirate captain slowly walked the line looking disdainfully from face to face of his captive shipmates. William turned to scratch his nose on his shoulder and when he again faced forward he was looking at the man who would decide his fate.

“What’s your name boy?” the new captain harshly demanded.

“William Smith,” he answered apathetically. He felt he knew his fate and felt a small rush of relief that he would no longer have to put up with life.

“Why do you not worry about what my crew may do to you?”

He was slightly taken aback by the pirate captain’s question. “I have nothing to lose. Do to me what you will,” he responded.

The older man threw back his head and let out a burst of laughter.

“I like you boy, I think I’ll let you live.”

William was escorted roughly to his new ship, The Ranger, captained by Charles Vane. William found that his new ship was incredibly similar to his old ship and that sailing was sailing. The crew was a bit more crude, but other than that, things went on the same as before.

Day in and day out William went about his business. Helping run the ship, an occasional pillage of a village or a ship, hard liquor and women whenever the men could get them. However, whenever he took pleasure in whatever woman would have him, or those he took by force, there was only one face that he saw in his mind’s eye. And there was only one question he howled to the moon in his drunken stupors.

“Sarah, WHY?”

Hilarious Video

2007-08-26T16:00:00.000-07:00

Our tribute to Corey. We'll miss you when you go back to Australia!

1 Night 2 Unite

2007-08-21T01:33:00.001-07:00

Sunday night we had one church service in the evening. It was amazing! There were so many people there! But what was so amazing (for me anyway) was the fact that some of my motions team girls got to go on stage, in front of the WHOLE church. They did such a good job, they were awesome! Thanks to Los for letting us come on stage and show the church that it's ok to dance and have fun during worship and thanks to Snap for the photos. You really should click on them to see they full size, they are amazing.

This one is of almost everyone who was there. See if you can spot the incredibly bright Pipeline shirts.

This one is of two of my girls who were on stage, Ashley and Alexis, they're doing motions to "Beautiful One".
This one is of Pipeline in the front representin' and following along to "Beautiful One". And that beautiful blonde on the right side of the photo is Raylyn who was totally awesome and helped me out that night.

My Brain Will NOT Shut-up

2007-08-20T03:13:00.000-07:00

I can not go to sleep. I am exhausted, so incredibly tired, but I can not go to sleep. My brain will not shut up. Random thoughts keep running through my mind. Thoughts about how Sunday night went, what I absolutely have to get done tomorrow, stories that I haven't finished that need to be finished, people I probably should call so they don't think I have totally forgotten about them, the fact that I have to be to work in less than three (yes 3) hours, thoughts about someone that I really wish I would stop thinking about, thoughts telling other thoughts to stop so I can go to sleep, the fact that I've been wheezing since about 8 this evening but if I use my inhaler I'll sleep for at least half a day, and why is it that my body reacts oppositely of how it should when I use my inhaler, I mean it's a stimulant it should wake me up not put me to sleep but every time I use it I sleep for at least half a day. Although now that it's almost 3:30 in the morning I'm sorely tempted to use it, the thing that stops me is that I'm afraid I'll sleep through my alarm and so wouldn't even wake up to call in to work, let alone actually make it to work. Then I start thinking, maybe I can take a nap tomorrow afternoon after work before my meeting tomorrow evening but then I'm reminded of all the stuff that I have to do tomorrow and then I'm reminded of the saying, "Yard by yard is awfully hard but inch by inch it's a cinch." And really, how do you take life inch by inch? So, I was thinking of just going to Denny's having an incredibly early breakfast and reading a book while I waited for it to be time to go to work, but I really don't want to go to Denny's, I just want to sleep.

Saturday Afternoon Randomness

2007-08-18T14:03:00.000-07:00

It is Saturday afternoon. It has been a great day of sleeping in and relaxation. I'm working on finishing my newest story, I am past my writers block (YEA for me!) and hope to finish it up today. Then I decided I should probably go back and finish my "Flo & Phil" story.

So, I was taking a break from writing and was playing online and found another blog of a fellow Sandalite. Helloooooo Patty B! So, if you have not yet stopped by to say hi to Patty, go now, hurry, get there before the rush!

Also, just to share...I had such an amazingly fun Friday night! Beky and Daniel got tickets to see a taping of Last Comic Standing, so they invited me along and asked if there was anyone I wanted to take. So, I invited my good friend Clint. I had a blast! The show was hilarious, and Beky, Daniel, and Clint are always fun to hang out with. It was a good night to remind me of why I should not always be an introvert.

It's Almost Friday!

2007-08-16T23:19:00.000-07:00

I realized today that I've been slacking on my bloggage. I apologize, although I'm not sure that anyone truly reads my little rants that I type up here. For those of you that do and keep track of my somewhat random life. I went in for my ultrasound today. My next doctors appointment is in two weeks to get the results and see if they cysts have grown or stayed the same or disappeared.

On another health note, if you would please keep my grandma in your prayers. She had a tumor removed a couple of months ago. They've discovered two spots on her lungs (I'm unsure of the sizes) and a new tumor growing in the same area that the first was removed. The type of cancer she has is rare, only 1% of all cancer patients get it and it is resistant to chemo and radiation. We found out last week that the cancer is stage 4.

The Old Pirate

2007-08-13T20:30:00.000-07:00

Ok, what follows is the beginning of the story I'm working on. I'm still not sure how to get where I want to go with it, but here's the start. Of course names and details are subject to change but here you go. Oh yea, and there's a word in red (said) that I really want to change but I'm at a loss of what to change it to, so if you have any ideas please share. I'm always looking for feedback so if you've got anything, let me know!

He sat at the table with tears streaming down his face. The gold gleamed in the sunlight; the jewels reflected the light in a multitude of colors. In one hand he held a bottle of rum and in the other he held the picture of her. He didn’t know whether to consider her an angel or a demon. She had walked into his life and left as if nothing had ever occurred. He had never been the same after they had met all those years ago. He thought back to that fateful day.

It was a beautiful bright Monday morning. The day was young and so was he. He walked down the lane toward the city with a slight bounce in his step. His pace was quick and he fast approached the city. He typically dreaded going to the city, but for some reason today he was looking forward to it.

“Pardon me, ma’am,” he said, “I don’t mean to intrude however I could not help noticing what happened in the tavern and was wondering if there was anything I could do to help.”

She turned to look at him with a cold confused stare.

“I’m sorry sir, have we met?” she asked icily.

“My goodness, I seem to have forgotten my manners. I am William Smith.”

“Well Mr. Smith, I fail to see how my personal matters are any of your business,” she sniffed.

“I apologize ma’am. It’s just that it makes my blood boil to see a beautiful young lady such as yourself mistreated so.”

He saw her stiff veneer soften slightly and hoped that he would be able to get her name. “This may be too bold, but may I walk you home?”

He felt as if he were floating. “Mrs. Johnson, it is a pleasure to meet you. I just wish it had been under more agreeable circumstances.”

They walked side by side for a few moments before the silence was broken. “I certainly hope you will not assume this to be a regular occurrence Mr. Smith,” she stated.

Soon afterwards they came upon Mrs. Johnson’s home. “Thank you Mr. Smith for walking me home.”

“My pleasure Mrs. Johnson. A good day to you.”

“A good day to you Mr. Smith.” And with that he tipped his hat, turned around and left.

As he left the house several hours later his mind reeled. What had he done? What had he agreed to? He slowly made his way home contemplating the consequences of the actions he had agreed to take.

Writer's block

2007-08-13T15:51:00.000-07:00

I've got writers block. I've been working on a new story and I know the ending I want but I'm not sure how to get there. Does anyone have any ideas of how to get rid of writers block?

Small Group Goodness

2007-08-08T23:47:00.000-07:00

Tonight was small group. My leader, Steven, is on his way to Yosemite (actually I'm sure he's there by now) so that he can climb half dome tomorrow. The person who usually takes over, Steve, is off leading a financial small group for a few weeks. So, I led small group. We didn't talk about the sermon (I'll leave that to Steven next week). Instead I asked everyone what they have been reading lately in the bible. I myself have been reading Ecclesiastes 5 and really focusing on verses 1 - 7 which talk about fearing God. Before small group I re-read chapters 1 through 4 just to refresh my memory. But our discussion this evening centered around Ecc. 5:1-7. It was awesome, we had some really good discussion about what it means to fear God. Then we talked a little bit about the beginning of Ecclesiastes and how Solomon talked about everything being done in vanity. How we should not focus on yesterday because it's done and there's nothing we can do to change it and we should not focus on tomorrow because it is not here and there's no point in worrying about it, but that we should focus on now. As we go about our day we need to be thinking about what we can do NOW to glorify God and praise Him. Then of course we did prayer requests and talked about how things are going in our lives. It was an absolutely amazing evening! Almost makes me wish I hadn't backed out of becoming a small group leader.

My Brain is Fried

2007-08-03T20:58:00.000-07:00

I am done for the day. I went in with my mom today to help her put her classroom together. I worked my ass off! We were there for almost 12 hours. TWELVE HOURS!! However we got a ton of stuff done and I got three beautiful boards done and totally forgot to take a picture of them, so no pretty pictures. The room's not done yet, but we're going up again tomorrow to finish it up.

On the health front I have a praise report. I can eat!! Woohoo! As long as I have jalapenos with whatever I eat I'm fine and don't get nauseous. And it can't just be spicy food or other types of peppers it has to be jalapenos. So I was actually able to eat three meals yesterday and today. And since I'm being able to eat the light-headedness is decreasing. So I was almost completely myself today. God is good!

Simply Christian - Chapter 5

2007-07-31T15:12:00.000-07:00

Before going into my review, just a quick note. I've noticed that each chapter I write my review differently. This time, I wrote all of this as I read, so I think it contains more of my actual thoughts while reading than previous posts; at least that's what I was going for. And now, the review.

“Sometimes, when people are asked whether they believe in God, they picture and image… [of] an old man with a long white beard, sitting on a cloud, looking down angrily at the mess we human are making of the world.” This sentence reminds me of the old Disney cartoons, or the Far Side comic strip. When I think of God my mind is blank. Well, I shouldn’t say blank, but there are no images, only memories of experiences, definitions of words, and memories of actions run through my mind.

In Chapter 5 Wright goes about describing God. As I started reading this chapter I thought to myself, “I sort of wish I was a non-Christian reading this book so I could follow better what he is saying. I feel like he’s skipping around the point.” It’s a little confusing for me to be reading this book and think I know the point that he wants to make, but then he doesn’t make it, he says, basically, ‘we’ll get to that later’.

First Wright looks at the question, where is God? Ecclesiastes 5:2 (paraphrased) says, “God is in heaven and you are on earth; so let your words be few.” Basically, Ecclesiastes 5:1-7 is talking about fearing God; however in verse two the writer of this book states that God is in heaven. So where is heaven? Wright answers this question, in a way, a few sentences later when he writes, “’Heaven’ in this later, very common biblical sense is God’s space as opposed to our space, not God’s location within our space-time universe.” I read that and thought to myself, yes, that’s exactly what I was thinking. But honestly, if someone had asked me I would have never been able to verbalize that. Does that mean that I really wasn’t thinking that and I’m just taking Wright’s ideas for my own? Hmmm, something to ponder for awhile.

How do heaven and earth fit together? Option one, the two spaces completely overlap, they are two ways of talking about the same thing. God is everything and everything is God, pantheism. Or there is the slight differentiation, panentheism, which states everything exists within God. Either way there is no outside force, there is no way to be rescued so the only escape is death. Option two is to hold the two spaces away from each other, the two never overlap. This options states that humans are alone in the universe, any divine being will not intervene to help or to harm. Again, there is way to be rescued to the only escape is death. The third option is that the two spaces overlap and interlock in many different ways. “God makes his presence known, seen, and heard within the sphere of earth.” Wright brings up many examples of this, Abraham, Jacob’s ladder, Moses and the Exodus, David, the holiest of holies (which kept the Ark of the Covenant). Wright states, “When pilgrims and worshippers went up to Jerusalem and into the Temple to worship and offer sacrifices, they wouldn’t have said that it was as though they were going into heaven. They would have said that they were going to the place where heaven and earth overlapped and interlocked.” How often do I think this when I worship? It’s not just little ol’ me here on earth, it’s where heaven and earth overlap. “The one true God made a world that was other than himself, because that is what love delights to do. And, having made such a world, he has remained in a close, dynamic, and intimate relationship with it, without in any way being contained within it or having it contained within himself.” I know this is the basis of my faith, relationship, but it still blows me away every time I read it. Christ wants a relationship with me, this selfish, arrogant, prideful, spiteful, lying, sinful person.

The last thing that Wright goes over in this chapter is the name of God. He addresses how the personal name of God was written in ancient Hebrew and how we got from that point to “the LORD”; a very interesting little history lesson. He talked about the three meanings of this phrase, first it could mean ‘the master” or who we’ve promised to obey, second it could mean ‘the true Lord’ (as opposed to Caesar), third it could mean “the LORD” as spoken of in the Old Testament

My Trip

2007-07-31T12:26:00.000-07:00

Well, this past weekend, I visited my grandparents in Arizona. We left Friday early afternoon and got back home Sunday late afternoon. This is my attempt at putting together a slide show of the pictures I took (with my phone) while we were driving and once we got there. While driving out there it poured rain for about five minutes and then was all sunny again. It rained on Saturday while we were in Arizona as well. There was a beautiful double rainbow that my little camera phone couldn't do justice to. Anyway, hopefully it works.

Reunion

2007-07-28T08:43:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday was my 10 year high school reunion. It was nice seeing people that I haven't seen in 10 years and seeing what they have been up to, but it was also nice to go home and know I won't talk to most of them for another 10 years (if I decide to go to the 20 year reunion). It was like a night of high school all over again, I've tried for 10 years to forget most of that junk. What was most interesting, to me at least, is the fact that almost everyone was married or in a serious relationship. Out of about the 60 graduates that made it to the reunion there were 5 of us not married, that's 12%, so 88% of the people at the reunion were married. I have to admit that I'm incredibly glad I'm not married. I can't see myself having to think of another person; I've discovered lately that I am very selfish. However, seeing as I'm fast approaching 30, I am starting to wonder if I will ever get married. Last month I sat down and started a list. If I ever do get married, what type of husband do I want to have? So, I've decided that I'm going to post it here so when/if I start dating someone, those of you who actually read my blog can hold me accountable.

First and foremost he must be a man of God. I want a man who is going to lead me, who will be the head of the household who will support me as I will support him. Someone who, being the head of the household, will not let me take control or be completely independent of everyone.

He must be honest and trustworthy. I've had so many men in my life who have lied and told half-truths or just avoided the sensitive subjects. I want someone who will not be afraid to tell me that I really shouldn’t go out looking like that. Someone who will call me on my bs, who when I say I’m doing ok will say “how are you really doing?”

He needs to be smart. Not necessarily book smart, but he needs to make me think. I need to be challenged both spiritually and intellectually. I don’t want someone in the same field as me. I want someone in a totally different area, someone who will help me grow in areas that I wouldn’t grow in on my own.

He needs to make me laugh. I’m much too serious if left to my own devices. I want someone who will bring out the kid in me, who seems to be hiding in the deep dark recesses of my being.

He needs to be sensitive and appreciate the beauty that God has given us. For all of my tough exterior (which hasn’t been that tough lately) I am extremely sensitive and need someone who will take that into consideration when being completely honest with me. Someone who can sit with me in a comfortable silence to watch the sun set (or rise); someone who can stare at clouds on a clear spring day and dream up stories for the shapes we see.

Also, I want to be courted. I want someone who will make me feel feminine, much too often I feel like “one of the guys”. I want someone who will open doors for me, who will place his hand on the small of my back to lead me into a room; someone who won’t be ashamed to hold my hand in public or let me place my arm through his.

This is what I’ve come up with so far. If he had some musical ability it wouldn’t hurt, but that one’s not a requirement. ☺

The Latest News

2007-07-26T23:03:00.000-07:00

Well, I had my doctor's appointment yesterday. It was the most awkward and painful doctor's appointment I've ever had. But it's over, I survived, and now I wait once again. He's sending me in to get another ultrasound. The first appointment I could get was August 16th. Then I'll wait a week for him to get the results in and go see him to get the results. If there are still cysts there (which I can't see any other reason for all my problems at this point) then I have to schedule another ultrasound 6 weeks after the first to see how the cyst progresses in that cycle. Apparently that's the cycle for all that junk.

On a slightly different note. I have decided that I'm taking myself off of my medication. I talked with the doctor about it, well let me clarify, I asked him what would happen if I stopped taking my medication, and he said to go ahead and try it. I figure since it's not working why keep taking it? So, I didn't take my medication yesterday and I didn't take it today and today's the first day in a long long time that I haven't had a major mood swing in the middle of the day or break out into tears over nothing at all.

This is Me!

2007-07-24T20:55:00.000-07:00

I saw this and just had to post it. It reminds me of myself.

I'm better informed now

2007-07-24T17:01:00.000-07:00

I go in for appointment tomorrow with the specialist. They requested that I bring in a copy of the last ultrasound that was taken so I stopped by my doctors office today and picked up copies of both of the ultra sounds that were taken. This is the first time that I've actually gotten to look at what my doctor was seeing. I had one ultrasound last August and then another one in October. If I'm reading them right one cyst grew from 2.6 cm in length to 3.7 cm in length. I've heard (from others) that anything 2 cm or larger is supposed to be incredibly painful. Thank you God for no agonizing pain!

I've had an interesting couple of hours looking up medical terms online and discovering what it is that these reports say exactly. I now have quite a few notes for when I go in tomorrow.

Simply Christian - Chapter 4

2007-07-22T17:35:00.000-07:00

For the Beauty of the Earth

This was by far the most difficult chapter for me to get through, to this point; although I can not figure out why it was so hard for me to get through.

There were four parts to this chapter, the transience of beauty, beauty and truth, beauty and God, and the glorious complexity of life. The transience of beauty section was all about how we can never catch beauty, just the memory. Even as we see something beautiful it leaves us longing for more and unsatisfied. So the world if full of beauty but that beauty is incomplete, we’re not fulfilled by what we experience. Wright uses and example that (because I am such a nerd) really hit home with me. “The teacher for whom the geometric proof possesses an almost transcendent elegance discovers that, to the class, it is nothing but numbers, lines, and angles.” I don’t know how many times I get so incredibly excited during a lecture about some physics concept about how amazing it is that it all fits together so nicely and it works the same way every time! And I look out into the classroom and they’re just staring at me like I’m some freak of nature because I’m excited about physics. Is beauty really in the eye of the beholder or is there some ‘absolute beauty’ that everyone will look at or experience and say to themselves, “that was exquisite, absolutely beautiful”?

The section on beauty and truth addresses that statement, “Beauty is truth, truth beauty.” But what one person considers beautiful is different from what another person considers beautiful. Even the same person several years down the road will have a different opinion of beauty than they did when they were younger. Wright uses the example of Plato’s men in the cave, although not using the exact story using the philosophical theory, to talk about our world and the world of “the Forms” (or Ideas). In other words, our world is just a shadow of the “real thing”. But if this world is just a shadow does it really exist? What about the whole “I think therefore I am” statement?

The section on beauty and God asks if this world is a reflection then what is it a reflection of? Wright makes the statement that “We [Christians] say that the present world is the real one, and that it’s in bad shape but expecting to be repaired.” I liked this statement. I know I need to be repaired and I’m only a teeny tiny fragment of this world.

The glorious complexity of life. This section title stands alone all on its own. Life is so incredibly complex and yet it’s also so simple. Wright quotes a scientist as saying, “whether we are looking into a microscope at the smallest objects we can discern, or gazing through a telescope at the vast recesses of outer space, the most interesting thing in the world remains that which is two inches or so on the near side of the leans – in other words, the human brain, including mind, imagination, memory, will, personality, and the thousand other things which we think of as separate faculties but which all, in their different ways, interlock as functions of our complex personal identity.” There are five things (to start with) that we do to show our complexity and our simplicity; we tell stories, we act out rituals, we create beauty, we work in communities, and we think out beliefs. If we take away any of these things then human life seems to be diminished. How boring would life be if we couldn’t tell stories? We wouldn’t be able to share about our days so we wouldn’t have any outside information other than what we ourselves experienced. What about not working in communities, not being able to do things with other people, having to always do things on our own? I don’t know about you but I would go “stark, raving MAD!” to quote the snake from Disney’s Robin Hood (I’m hearing the echoing voice as I type it).

Wright ends the chapter, and the first section of the book, by saying, “We must begin to talk about God. Which is like saying that we must learn to stare at the sun.” I’m very interested to see where Wright is going to take these concepts that he’s set up in the beginning of his book and how exactly he’s going to tie them all together.

Medical Update...sort of

2007-07-20T18:11:00.000-07:00

So, I thought I should keep those of you interested in the medical marvel they named Diana updated. I go in to see the specialist this Wednesday on the 25th. I'm not sure exactly what's in store, more than likely another ultra-sound (so not looking forward to that). I'm really hoping that he'll take me off the birth control since it hasn't been working and I'm really tired of having all the negative side effects and none of the positive ones. Ok, sorry that wasn't a very Christian statement, but it really is frustrating to be on so many medications, especially since they seem to not be working.

If you could keep me in prayer as I go in for a visit with the new doctor for two things. First that I won't totally freak out on him since it's a he and my yearly's have always been with a female doctor. Second, that this new doctor will find some solutions for me to this problem that has been going on for way too long.

I am such a nerd

2007-07-20T15:04:00.000-07:00

I ordered the best movie EVER on Amazon.com the other day. Unfortunately this movie is only available on VHS; Disney has not put it out on DVD as of yet. So I ordered a VHS copy. I got it today in the mail. I was incredibly excited so I popped it in to watch it. Then came my disappointment. The picture bounced through the entire thing! So I emailed the person who sold it to me through amazon to see if there was a way that I could exchange it for a good copy. I really hope so because it really is a good video, and it is an excellent teaching source.

So that was my excitement for the day, and then my disappointment.

Simply Christian - Chapter 3

2007-07-19T22:52:00.000-07:00

Made for Each Other

Chapter 3 deals with relationships. I definitely need help in the area of relationships. Wright states, “…we all know that we belong in communities, that we were made to be social creatures. Yet there are many times when we are tempted to slam the door and stomp off into the night by ourselves, simultaneously making the statement that we don’t belong anymore and that we want someone to take pity on us, to come to the rescue and comfort us.” I don’t know about you but knowing that I belong in a community is much easier for me than actually taking part in a community. I have trouble being in a group and actually being part of the group, not just a bystander. I feel like I need to be asked to be part of something, I have trouble just jumping in.

Wright also deals with sexual identity, maleness and femaleness; how people today seem to be at one end of the scale (denying that there is a difference between males and females other than biologically) or at the other end of the scale (looking at every member of the opposite sex as a potential partner). Where exactly is the middle ground? How does one embrace their sexual identity without crossing the line into flirtatious behavior? I know I seem to bounce between the two extremes, how do I balance myself out?

There is also the fact that even the best relationship will eventually end in death, the laughter will end in tears. “We know it; we fear it; but there’s nothing we can do about it.” Doesn’t this tie in with our rebellion from our Creator? We were created to be in relationship. God created Adam and Eve and walked and talking with them in the Garden of Eden. Yet Adam and Eve rebelled against God and ate of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. To this day we still rebel; some of us more than others. Therefore we have a broken relationship with our Creator. If we have a broken relationship with the One who created us, how can we have a whole relationship with anyone else?

What do you think?

2007-07-17T21:21:00.000-07:00

So, for those of you that don't know or never noticed I got a tattoo of a rose on my ankle on my birthday last year in memory of my aunt that passed away 4 years ago.

There was another tattoo that I had been thinking about as well, the tattoo of a butterfly with the text "Rom 12:2" tattooed underneath the butterfly.

Romans 12:2 says, "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

I wanted to get a butterfly to represent this verse because butterfly's start out as caterpillars and are transformed into butterfly's. I should be transformed by the presence of God in my life, so as a daily reminder. Anyway, below is the picture of a butterfly whose name is the Diana Fritillary, pictured is the female. This is the butterfly I would like to get tattooed on my inner arm. What do you think?

Sunburns

2007-07-16T12:29:00.000-07:00

Sunburns are from the devil!!!! I really have no biblical backing for this statement, but I'm going with it. I really, really hate getting sunburned. It happens at least once a year for me, the one day that I have to do something outside. I know I'm incredibly fair skinned and burn rather easily so I try to stay inside out of the sun as much as possible. This year, it was pool day at Pipeline that did me in. Now, for those of you that are thinking, "Oh, you just forgot to put sunblock on." No, I put sunblock on. Not just the dinky little SPF 15 stuff, but SPF 30, not just once but twice. I did not go swimming, so it's not like it washed off in the water. And the picture you see here does not do the burn justice. It had now had all night to settle in and I'm a nice lobster red. Well, maybe not lobster, but it's definitely red.

A Kitchen Scene

2007-07-13T09:55:00.000-07:00

Here’s yet another story. Thanks to Sam for providing my first sentence. Let me know what you think. Also, if you’d like to provide a first sentence for me to write a story with, send it over and I’ll do my best.

A Kitchen Scene

The rose water had a bitter yet pleasant aroma. It filled the air as it spread across the floor. I shuddered with pleasure as my senses seemed to be awakened for the first time. As to what had roused my passionate actions I was unsure. I could feel the blood rushing through my veins, hear my heart pounding in my chest (I was sure someone would hear it if I didn’t calm down soon), smell the many aromas that filled the air, and see the beads of sweat dry on the body of the man laying at my feet.

Suddenly, reality hit with a sharp cold thud. What had I done? I was incredulous of the facts before me. How was I going to get rid of the evidence? Impulsively I called a friend from the old days.

“Yeah, this is ****.”

“Hey, remember me?” I asked. Partially hoping that he didn’t, but mostly hoping that he did so he could help me now.

“How could I forget you? Whaddha want?”

“Well, see, there’s this issue that I need some help with, I don’t want it getting out in the open.”

“So, ya thought of me huh?”

“Can you help me or not?”

“Where do you want me to meet you?”

Half an hour later he stood in the kitchen with me, looking at the scene that still shocked my senses. Why was I not repulsed by the sight? A darkness filled my soul, terrifying me.

We worked quickly, cleaning everything in sight as best we could. Soon the kitchen looked like nothing had ever happened.

How long until he was missed, until people started looking at me like a freak of nature.

My friend’s voice disturbed my reverie, “We’re done here. I’ll send ya a bill.”

“Thanks, I owe you.”

“Whatever, like I said, I’ll send ya a bill.”

He walked outside and was gone.

Here it is many years down the road. I still shudder in terror at the pleasure that courses through my veins in memory of that night anytime I see a bottle of rose water.

Simply Christian - Chapter 2

2007-07-09T23:06:00.000-07:00

Well, I finished reading chapter two of the N.T. Wright book. It was titled, The Hidden Spring. Wright talked about the separation of church and state and how some people have enjoyed not having any “religious” interference in their life, some have done their best to find the living water, and even more are still searching for something to quench their thirst.

People searching to quench their thirst are looking in many different areas. Since ‘civilization’ is giving us no guidance people are looking into mysticism (get in touch with nature), Buddhism (a detachment from the world), Celtic things, and many more areas. It seems to me that people are looking everywhere but where they should be looking, however I digress. Wright states, “People who have been starved for water for a long time will drink anything, even if it is polluted…Thus by itself ‘spirituality’ may appear to be part of the problem as well as part of the solution.”

“If the call to spirituality that we hear can be interpreted as the echo of a voice, it’s one which is lost in the wind as quickly as it comes, leaving us to ask ourselves whether we imagined it or whether, if we really did hear something, it was simply the echo of our own voices.” This brings to mind the verse 1 Kings 19:12 in which Elijah heard God, not in the strong wind, not in the earthquake and not in the fire but in a “still small voice.” The voice does not compel us to listen, we have to choose to either follow the voice or ignore it.

Wright also brings up that skeptics use relativism. The phrase most commonly used is, “Just because it’s true for you, does not mean it’s true for everybody.” But this only works when you use truth to mean ‘something that is genuinely happening inside of you’ instead of ‘a true revelation of the way things are in the real world’. To me that phrase is just the nice way of saying, “you’re full of it and I’m tired of talking to you.”

Wright ends with saying that this echo of a voice, that we can’t drown out with distractions, but does not “compel us to listen” joined with a passion for justice would make it worth listening for further echoes of the same voice.

Callia Adonia Temple

2007-07-08T17:14:00.000-07:00

Here's my story on my new character. Let me know what you think.

Here I am stuck in my crib. Well, I’m not really stuck, I know how to get out, but mom just put me in so I have to wait a little bit before I make my escape. There was a banana in the kitchen that I saw earlier that I want. Do you know the best part about bananas? You can squeeze them in your hands and eat what comes out between your fingers. It’s yummy, so much better than the boring “adult” way to eat a banana. Ok, I don’t hear mom anymore, here I go.

Alright, I’m out, now for that banana. Out the bedroom door, down the hallway (so far so good) through the living room and into the kitchen. I made it! Now where’s that banana? Hmmm…there it is, I see it! Man, that looks pretty far up there; I can’t reach it on my own. Where’s that thingy mom always stands on? Well, maybe if I open up this cupboard door I can stand on the shelf.

“CLANG! BANG! BONG! Wahngahngahngahng. Clatter.”

That was a little loud, I hope mom didn’t hear all those pots fall. Ok, if I put this foot here and this foot there. Ouch! Note to self, falling on your butt hurts. Ok that didn’t work. Let’s try…

“Callia Adonia Temple! What are you doing!?!”

Uh oh, mom heard.

“How in the world did you get out of your crib? You are supposed to be taking a nap right now.”

Maybe if I give her the sweet puppy dog eyes, she’ll forget there’s no one else here to let me out of my crib. Ooh, I know I’ll tell her I want a banana. “want ‘nana.”

“You want a banana?”

“Yeh, want ‘nana.”

I think it’s working, she’s going for it. I see her reaching for the banana.

“You can have a banana after you take your nap like you’re supposed to.”

Negative, negative, we’re going down in flames! Man I hate nap time, it wastes so much play time.

“Ok, let’s go little calla lily, back to your crib with you.”

Goodbye banana! I’ll miss you.

“Now, don’t try to get out again. Please take your nap.”

“I try.”

I'm stuck

2007-07-07T23:38:00.000-07:00

I'm working on a new story about a two year old named Callia Adonia Temple. Her favorite food is bananas and she thinks potty training is a pain because taking time to go to the bathroom and use it takes time out of her busy schedule of playing. However, I'm stuck after that. It's been 25 years since I've been two and I haven't had any kids myself so I'm not quite sure how a two year old should act. I've heard of the terrible two's, the "no" stage, and the "why" stage but I'm not sure if they're all together or at different ages. I don't know the speech level of a two year old. So if anyone out there can give me some input I would greatly appreciate it. If you have a two year old or a little one not far out of the two's stage it would help me bunches if you could share some insight with me. Or even if you work with little ones on a regular basis (Janie). Thank you.

Good Wife?

2007-07-05T20:16:00.001-07:00

Los posted the following picture on his blog. You can click on the picture to get a better view of what it says.

What follows was my response to all the females who gave an outraged cry.

Ok, I’m going to start this reply with a disclaimer, I am single and do not know what marriage is like in the “real world”. That being said, I have seen this picture before. The first time I saw it I was up in arms, how in the world could they expect women to do all of that? But my hot-headedness has cooled.

Point 1: Be happy to see him. - Shouldn’t a wife be happy to see her husband? This is the person she has chosen to spend the rest of her life with, the person she has chosen to be her spiritual head. Also, he should be happy to see her.

Point 2: Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him. - Isn’t that the curse that Eve brought upon us? “And your desire will be for your husband.”

Point 3: Listen to him. (it goes on but I don’t agree with the rest) - A woman should listen to her husband, but that does not mean that he should not listen to her.

Point 4: Don’t greet him with complaints and problems. - Who wants to be greeted with complaints and problems? I know I don’t. This should be a common courtesy to any person you greet.

Point 5: Your goal: try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. - Who would not want their home to be peaceful and a place of rest and tranquility? If the home is not peaceful not only will the husband not be able to renew himself in body and spirit, the wife will not be able to either.

Point 6: A good wife always knows her place. - When I read this I think of Proverbs 31, what I look at to see how far away I am from what God wants me to be doing.

As women we are to be submissive to our husbands. This does not mean that we never get a say and have to always agree with our husbands. But it does mean that he gets the final say, as long as it does not go against God’s word.

There are definitely things I do not agree with from the article, such as not questioning him when he’s been out all night, that’s a bunch of bull. However, we are called to be servants of Christ. Christ, God’s only begotten son, served us. Doesn’t that mean that we should serve those around us, and doesn’t that include our husbands?

So, what do you think of it?

Janie's Blog

2007-07-05T13:13:00.001-07:00

Just to let everyone know...Janie's blog has been deleted (by Janie). However, apparantly the web address is still active and being used by someone in Thailand.

Writing

2007-07-04T16:06:00.000-07:00

I pulled out my writing prompt book again today. What follows is the story that came out of it. I don't think I like it, but I'll post it here anyway.

--->This is a story, fiction, not something that happened in real life.

Writing

“Sometimes I feel just like a gerbil, running around and around on his wheel!” I concluded.

“What sort of nonsense is this, spinning like a carousel, running around like a gerbil on his wheel? Why don’t you just sit down and write your story? Quit making it so difficult.”

My instructor had never been known for his sensitivity. However, he was particularly well informed on what sort of story sold to the masses. The last quarter before I graduated I had enrolled in a creative writing class. Our instructor seemed to not know the meaning of ‘writer’s block’ and had been giving me a hard time since the class began.

The last week of classes we prepared for finals. Our final for writing class was simple, so the instructor said. All we had to do was write a short story that included our favorite fruit. I wrote, what I thought was, a cute little story about strawberries having a conversation in the patch before being picked. I handed in my paper satisfied that I had written a story that would pass and walked out of the class.

A week after finals I went to pick up my final and see how I had done. The department secretary had all of the blue books and I collected mine. Opening the blue book I saw my grade. A “D” stared at me from the front page. I didn’t understand it, I had finished the story, there were no spelling or grammar errors, why a “D”? I asked the secretary when the instructor would be back and she told me that he had just left. I knew if I hurried I might be able to catch him in the outer hallway.

Running down the stairs and out the door I saw him a few yards away.

“You insensitive prick! We can’t all be such asses in our writing!” I yelled out to his retreating figure.

He stopped and slowly turned around. After looking at me for a moment he started towards me. My anger was quickly replaced with a growing sense of dread. What had I said? I couldn’t believe the words that had just come out of my mouth. All of the sudden he was before me.

“That is how you should write,” he stated.

“Huh?” was all that would come out. I was shocked, he wasn’t mad or upset at all, in fact he seemed pleased.

“You have been holding it all in. That was the first time I have seen or heard any passion from you. That is what your writing has been missing, passion. You don’t have to ‘be an ass’ as you put it but you must be passionate about whatever it is that you write. Never forget that.”

“Why couldn’t you have just told me that to begin with? It would have made the class so much easier.”

“Maybe so. But now you’ll never forget the lesson.” With that statement he turned around and again began the walk down the hallway once again.

Suddenly it all clicked. Passion was the key. If I was passionate about something then there would always be words bouncing around in my head. There would never be writers block because I would always have something to say about something I was passionate about.

He’s right, I haven’t forgotten the lesson.

Convicted...

2007-07-01T22:57:00.000-07:00

Tonight's sermon was on finances. I don't want to be rich (too much responsibility) and I don't want to be famous (I want to be able to live my life). I don't want designer clothes, in fact levis are the most expensive I go and I go to the outlet to get those. I don't want the newest and best gadget, what I've got works fine. I'm living within my means, nothing goes on credit. So, I should be good right? I should have it all covered. But I don't. I still spend more money than I should on things that I don't need. I still want to make just a little bit more money so I can be slightly more comfortable. So, that statement that Matt had us write down, "I love money," it's true. As much as I hate to admit that, it's true. So yeah, I was convicted tonight.

Redo

2007-06-30T09:27:00.000-07:00

I woke up an hour earlier than I planned to this morning. It was nice to know that I had gotten enough sleep and didn't have to wake up to an annoying alarm clock. Anyway, I went through and updated all my links. Took out the links that were no longer any good and added a couple of people I have found. If you're reading this and I don't have your link, let me know I'll add you.

New Book

2007-06-28T21:58:00.000-07:00

I've started a new book. It's titled "Simply Christian: Why Christianity Makes Sense" by N.T. Wright. I'm reading it with a friend from work. I wanted to read "Mere Christianity" by C.S. Lewis again but this one was recommended to me by Neal, someone who's opinion I highly value. I can not remember exactly what he said about the book, but I remember my impression being that this book would be easier to read for a non-Christian. Since my friend at work is not a Christian I suggested this one instead. I just finished the first chapter and I'm not exactly sure what I think. It didn't grab me the way that Lewis' writing does.

The first chapter was on justice. The fact that overwhelmingly we as humans feel that life is unfair and unjust, that we want justice but are unable to attain it; "we see a world in pain, a world out of joint, a world where things occur which we seem powerless to make right." Then he went on to talk about why we feel that life is unfair, what contributes to that. He went on to briefly explain some theories on what contributes to that feeling and focuses on the Christian theory. He says, "Comedy and tragedy both speak of things being out of order - in the one case, simply by being incongruous and therefore funny; in the other case, by things not going the way they should, and people being crushed as a result." He calls the feeling of being called to justice "the echo of a voice". And goes on to say that as a Christian God's passion for justice must become ours as well, that we should not use our belief in Christ to escape that demand because by doing so we abandon a central element of our faith. Jesus said, as you do unto the least of these so you have done unto me. (Pardon the poor paraphrase.) I don't know about you, but before this evening I had not thought of that verse as being a call to justice, a call to stand up for what is right. Wright mentioned a couple of Christians martyred for their faith and for following their faith to try and end injustice, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Oscar Romero, and Martin Luther King, Jr.

It makes me wonder, am I listening to that "echo of a voice" that I hear? How much injustice have I seen and not taken a stand against it?

Almost 42 hours

2007-06-25T22:55:00.001-07:00

I'm sitting here unable to fall asleep. Of course it doesn't help that I currently have a computer in front of me but for some reason I do not feel tired at all. Here it is 11pm and I'm wide awake. Normally that would not be a problem but today at this exact moment I have been awake for 41.5 hours. So, what do you do to help yourself fall asleep. I would really appreciate some suggestions for tonight or tomorrow night or any other future night.

The F1 Conference and Many Random Thoughts

2007-05-13T17:44:00.000-07:00

Here I am sitting in the gym, watching the air molecules circulate through the air. (For those that are wondering, yes, I am slightly insane.) I'm bored and I haven't blogged in awhile, so here I am. This Thursday I'm going to Texas for a conference. I am going with three other young ladies who I absolutely love. I am extremely excited that I am getting this chance to learn something that I can pass on to others in my church. But I also nervous. I'm not really sure why I'm nervous, but I am.
I just realized that anytime I'm going to be away from home overnight I get nervous. Hmmm, I wonder why that is. I wonder about a lot of my quirks. Are they just part of me, did something happen to make them part of me, am I forgetting why I started doing that particular thing? Just some little things I wonder. That and I wonder why I'm obsessive compulsive. I know it really doesn't matter, and that's what I have to keep reminding myself. Really, it doesn't matter why I am the way I am, what caused it. I just need to keep asking myself what does God want me to do with my obsessive compulsive nervous self. Who in my life am I not treating properly, how am I glorifying (or not glorifying) God in what I do.

My friend Drew drove through Riverside last night, so he stopped off and we got dinner and hung out for a couple of hours. I have known Drew for almost 10 years now, and I am always amazed we are still friends. I like hanging out with Drew because I never know what we'll end up talking about, but I know that he'll say something that will really make me think.

Now part of the worship team is here practicing for service tonight. Unfortunately they're not miced so all I'm really hearing is the drums. Our church is so blessed to have so many incredibly talented musicians. I am amazed each and every week.

And now I'm going to go and get ready for church tonight.

Please keep me in your prayers.

2007-04-23T20:30:00.000-07:00

Last night during church service I wrote this, “Something needs to change but I don’t know what and I don’t know how to change. I feel like what I do is never enough. There’s always more required. I’m just so tired, of everything and I don’t know how to rest. I don’t know how to recoup. I don’t know how to heal. God, please heal me. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on.”

In case you couldn’t guess from the above passage, I struggle with depression. Not just the “oh poor me, I don’t fit in” depression, but the depression that I can barely get out of bed in the morning because I feel there is no point to life. Although I have never thought of ending my own life, I have wondered how far away from that point I am.

I have a friend that I have known for many years. We’ve been through quite a bit, this friend and I. We’ve had many fights, not just disagreements, but fights, and we are still good friends. I feel like we can talk to each other about almost anything. He called me this evening to tell me he got his vicarage assignment (his internship before becoming a pastor for the Lutheran Church) in Northern California. He has the unique ability of being able to shift my focus where it should be no matter what; the only other person who was ever able to do that for me was my aunt. Anyway, he called this evening; he told me about his vicarage assignment and asked how I am doing. So, I told him. He reminded me that my focus should not be on me, I will never be good enough at anything, my focus should be on Christ and His sacrifice for me, because it is in Christ that I find my true value. So, thank you to my friend who encourages me every time we talk and who is still my friend against his better judgment.

Poem

2007-03-27T15:46:00.000-07:00

Days gone by
Distant memories remain
Of time flown by

Childhood seems surreal
Did it really happen?
The images don't seem real

How did I learn this?
Science and nature debate
Did I really have a choice in this?

The scarlet letter glistens
Pain fills the void.
Does anyone listen?

Light touches Darkness
The unknown is shown
There's no way to deserve Forgiveness

God's on the throne
Angels proclaim Glory
Human nature's been thrown

Flo & Phil

2007-02-01T17:49:00.000-08:00

Well, I woke up at 3:30 this morning and couldn't sleep, so I grabbed my prompt book and started writing. What follows is a story I didn't quite finish. I'll finish it the next time I wake up at 3:30 in the morning, probably tonight. Anyway, let me know what you think.

“My goodness, did you see the news last night?”

“Nah, I prefer the positive things in life. Them news stories just bring me down.”

“You’re so full of it Phil. You probly fell asleep in front of the tube watchin’ some half naked chicks and forgot about the news. Well, let me tell you, I am sure not happy ‘bout livin’ by myself right now. There was this story ‘bout a woman home alone, asleep in the middle of the night. Some fella broke into her place, stole everything and killed her; they think she was tryin’ to stop ‘im or something like that. I tell you, scared me half to death, I didn’t know what to do.”

“Flo, this town’s so safe, ain’t no one gonna break into your place an’ kill ya.”

“How do you know that Phil, all these new people movin’ into our little town. What if one of ‘em’s a thief? We don’t know what they been doin’ before they came here.”

“Well, if ya really wanna feel safe, why don’t ya git yerself a gun? That’s what all them hoighty toighty women in the cities do.”

“Ya, got an idea there Phil. I just might.”

“Well, I gotta git to work. See ya for dinner Flo.”

“See ya Phil.”

Phil left the diner and trudged on to work, while Flo continued to serve greasy breakfast and watered down coffee to her other customers.

Flo, short for Florence, and Phil had known each other most of their lives. They had grown up together, just a street apart, and did just about everything together as soon as they could walk. The town thought for sure they would get married just as soon as high school was over, but here it was ten years down the road and both of them were still single with no ideas of getting married. Some thought Phil had cold feet and couldn’t bear the thought of giving up his single life of beer and porn in the evenings. Some thought Flo had dreams of grandeur and wanted to make it big in the music industry; she was always singing some song while working in the diner. Flo and Phil joked about it frequently. But what no one suspected was that Phil had absolutely no interest in Flo. Not because of beer and porn, but rather because he was more interested in Steve.

Steve was the hot single guy that Phil worked with. Phil knew Steve was into girls, not guys, but he just couldn’t stop thinking of him. Ever since Steve had moved into town a year ago Phil had been entranced. Steve was nothing like the guys Phil had grown up with. He was refined and had an accent that made Phil melt inside.

Of course Flo knew about Phil and his interest in Steve, they had known each other most of their lives after all. Phil had made Flo promise to keep his secret until he was ready to tell others. Flo being the good friend she was had kept Phil’s secret ever since she found out. Steve was a topic of conversation between the two of them when Flo got off work at the diner. Flo had never met Steve, but from the way Phil talked about him, she knew he had to be something different; she just wasn’t sure if it was a good different.

During her break that day Flo went to the Hunting Shack, the only place in town that sold guns. The Hunting Shack doubled as a pawn shop. They had the most eclectic collection of things to buy that anyone had ever seen. Flo found a cute little gun that would fit in her purse so she could get it home without everyone knowing she had bought a gun. Of course there was that ten day waiting period before she could actually purchase the gun, but she had found what she was looking for. Flo filled out the paperwork and headed back to the diner. She couldn’t wait to hear what Phil had to say.

That evening Flo saw Phil walk into the diner with the best looking man she had ever seen. He wasn’t that tall, about six feet, but he was gorgeous. Flo decided she was in love. As she walked over to the table she fluffed her hair a bit.

“Hey Phil, how was work today?”

“Not bad. This here’s Steve, we work together. Steve, this here’s Flo, we grew up together.”

So, this was the famous Steve she had heard so much about. Quite a few thoughts were running through Flo’s head at the moment. The top two being, why had Phil kept Steve away from the diner for so long, and how was she going to finagle a date out of Steve before he left for the evening.

“Heya Steve, welcome to our little hole in the wall. Any questions ya got be sure and ask. I’ll help ya anyway I can.”

I'm Back....Maybe

2007-01-30T22:01:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged in forever, well not literally, but you know what I mean. I'm home sick, not very fun, but I can't do much besides play on the computer. I was playing on myspace when I remembered, I have a blog. That's when I decided to post.

I had the most amazing Sunday. Pipeline in the morning was great. I felt energized and at peace about things. We had an awesome meeting after the morning services. What was so great about the meeting was it wasn't really like a meeting, it was like a family get together. Our volunteers are awesome. Then I had a nice relaxing afternoon with my brother. We haven't really hung out in ages, so it was nice just getting to talk. But the best thing about Sunday was Sunday evening. Worship was amazing for me this Sunday. I really let myself just worship, and let God talk to me. It was an indescribable joy. It's been awhile since I've let myself go at church. My thoughts are, "people are watching, I can't dance like I want to." Why do I stop myself from letting go so often? Why am I so uptight all the time? I've built in this filter and I want to tear it out but I don't know how.

I am just glad that I am at a church that is not just a church but is my family. A group of people that I can talk to and fellowship with and they don't pass judgement. So thank you to my church family that is reading this. Know that even though I don't say it often, I love you and appreciate you.

Happy Birthday To Me!

2006-11-18T11:05:00.000-08:00

Thursday was my birthday. I am now twenty-seven years old. Still relatively young I guess. Anyway, for my birthday I bought tickets to go see Lion King at Pantages Theater in Hollywood. IT WAS AMAZING!!!! I absolutely loved it! I took my friend Carrie with me and we had a blast. The musical itself is indescribable; if you haven’t seen it you should if you ever get the chance.

Inside the Pantages.

Outside the Pantages.

On our drive in to the Pantages Carrie and I had seen a tattoo parlor. I wondered (out loud) how much it would be to get my tattoo. For approximately three years I’ve wanted a tattoo of a rose on my ankle. Three years ago my aunt passed away and, besides my mom, she is the one who had the most influence in my life. Kathy has a rose tattoo on her ankle so I wanted one in memory of her. So, when we got out of Lion King we drove over to the tattoo parlor, it was closed. What kind of tattoo parlor closes by 11pm in Hollywood? We ended up driving around for about half an hour looking for an open tattoo parlor; by the end of the drive we just wanted to find any other tattoo parlor. We finally found one, Tattoo Mania. In we went, where I got my tattoo! This random tattoo parlor that we happened to find I guess is pretty famous on some level, the guy who did my tattoo has done tattoo’s for Usher, Eve, Courtney Love, and some other people. Pretty cool I thought.

Carrie and I again, before the madness began.

And it begins, Carrie had me laughing so hard, it was difficult keeping my leg still.

The green shading.

The red shading.

The finished product.

Well, that was my birthday.

Friday, the physics students up at the college wanted to throw a birthday party for the three instructors who’s birthdays were this week. So they brought in cakes and sung happy birthday to the two of us who were there, one instructor was missing. My students are amazing.

Also, one of my students bought me a bottle of vodka. I now have a bottle of lemon flavored Gray Goose vodka in my fridge. Sandy and I are going to open it up tonight to try it.

Hugs

2006-11-04T20:09:00.000-08:00

So, was going through a box of old paperwork today and I found this poem. I have no idea who wrote it, but I thought it was pretty cool and I wanted to share it with you all. If you know me at all, you know I love hugs, so next time you see me, feel free to share the love.

It’s wondrous what a hug can do.
A hug can cheer you when you’re blue.
A hug can say, “I love you so;”
or, “Gee, I hate to see you go.”

A hug is, “Welcome back again!”
and “Great to see you!: or “Where’ve you been?”
A hug can soothe a small child’s pain
and bring a rainbow after rain.

The Hug! There’s just no doubt about it.
We scarcely could survive without it.
A hug delights and warms and charms,
it must be why God gave us arms.

Hugs are great for fathers and mothers,
sweet for sisters, swell for brothers,
and chances are some favorite aunts
love them more than potted plants.

Kittens crave them. Puppies love them.
Heads of state are not above them.
A hug can break the language barrier,
and make the dullest day seem merrier.

No need to fret about the store of ‘em.
The more you give, the more there are of them.
So stretch those arms without delay
and give someone a hug today.

The Confrontation

2006-11-01T17:05:00.000-08:00

Once again it has been ages since I've posted. I think I'm finally caught up on blog reading; well, I should say as caught up as I'm going to get. Not much has happened since I last posted. Just boring everyday stuff.

A couple of weeks ago I had lunch with my father. I sat down and was completely honest with him for the first time that I can remember. I call it my confrontation meeting. I let him know how I felt about how he treated me as a child, how hurt I was by what he had done in the past, that he was not a father figure, and so many other things. Now the big thing that has been on my mind is whether I should go to his wedding or not. I'm not sure that I want to.

A Hodge Podge of Information

2006-10-19T20:53:00.000-07:00

For anyone who may have noticed, I haven’t blogged in quite some time. I feel so out of the loop. Not only have I not posted a blog, I haven’t had time to read any either. Strangely I feel rather disconnected from others. So, to update those of you who I may not have told in person, the side effects of my cysts are starting to disappear. I’m not at drained (both literally and figuratively) as I was. I am almost completely back to my spunky self, to the dismay of my small group leader. I was my normal sarcastic, smart-beep self, but I was also making up for three months of being down, poor Steven got the brunt of it. It is rather wonderful to have energy again. To be able to bounce through the day instead of slowly drag myself around. My students are finally seeing my true personality this week and some of them are shocked. They aren’t sure whether they can laugh at my jokes or not, I should say they aren’t sure if what is coming out of my mouth is a joke or not. It’s definitely entertaining seeing their responses.

Just Give Up

2006-10-07T17:59:00.000-07:00

Just give up, that has become my mantra. I’ve been saying it repeatedly since Thursday evening. Just give up. A big part of my issues with my dad are caused by me wanting him to be a dad. I realized he is never going to be a father figure to me. There is too much in the past, there is too much history for him to ever be a dad, a real dad. Just give up. Instead I need to look to God to be my Abba. In life, I just need to give up. Give it all to God, all my “concerns”, all my problems, everything that comes into my life. I need to quit thinking about all the medical stuff going on. Just give up. I need to stop trying to figure out who in my life is “the one”. Just give up. If there’s supposed to be someone in my life, God will bring him into my life. God should be first in my life; I need to give it all to God. Just give up. Stop trying to be strong; stop trying to pretend to be strong and just admit that I am weak and unable to do it myself. God’s strength is made perfect through my weakness.

Chick-fil-A

2006-10-06T19:38:00.000-07:00

For some of you it may be hard to believe, but up until today I had never had Chick-fil-A. I probably wouldn't have had Chick-fil-A for quite some time except for the fact that I had an appointment today for my ultrasound in Rancho Cucamonga. (For those of you wondering, the appointment got moved up yesterday.) Well, on my way to the freeway to drive to San Bernaghetto to teach, lo and behold I passed a Chick-fil-A. So, I decided to stop and see what all the fuss was about.
Well, plenty of people have raved about their shakes, so I tried a cookies-n-cream shake. It was alright, kinda runny though. The chicken sandwich I got was pretty good, but not the best thing ever. So, I'm not sure exactly why everyone thinks Chick-fil-A is so great. It was good, but not great;I can't say I would drive out of my way to get it. I don't know, maybe, like Janie's Del Taco experience, I just tried the wrong thing the first time out.

Lion King

2006-10-05T18:31:00.000-07:00

Well, I bought tickets for Lion King. I am going to go, on my birthday. I have no idea who I'm taking with me, but I'm going to go. So if anyone has any suggestions of who I can ask, let me know.

Word Vomit

2006-10-05T09:29:00.000-07:00

I am exhausted. I am wiped physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. The physical is pretty obvious. I am just losing nutrients on a constant basis and vitamins just don't cut it. Spiritually I am being shown so many things that I need to work on. I took so many notes on Sunday during the sermon, they had nothing to do with the sermon but God just slammed me. Mentally and emotionally I'm being challenged to deal with issues with my dad that I thought I had dealt with but I was really just hiding from them. I think I just need to sit down and have it out with him, but I don't particularly care for conflict, and I know there will be conflict with some of the issues I need to bring up.

On a lighter note, my birthday is next month. I want to go see Lion King at Pantages Theater in LA for my birthday. However, I have yet to buy tickets. See, I wanted to go with someone special, someone who wanted to spend time with me, to get to know me; but there's no one out there like that. So now I'm struggling with wanting to go. I want to go, but I don't know who to take with me; if there's even any tickets left to purchase.

That's my word vomit for the day. Just some random ramblings from someone who is completely clueless.

Ok, Maybe Not

2006-10-02T17:31:00.000-07:00

Well, I had yet another doctor's appointment today. They drew blood, and they're trying to get me in for another ultrasound next week. The doctor is calling this time to schedule it, so you know he really wants me in. He put stat on the ultrasound and the bloodwork. Depending on how results turn out I might be going in for a DNC. If that's the case, then I'll have to wait to get my tattoo, darn it! Anyway, if you haven't voted, check 'em out below and let me know what you think.

What do you think?

2006-10-01T15:27:00.000-07:00

I’m going to get a tattoo. I’ve wanted one for quite some time and I’ve decided October is the month. For those curious, I’m getting a tattoo in memory of my aunt. She was an awesome woman, who greatly influenced me. She had a rose on her ankle, so I want to get a rose on my ankle. I’m a little stuck on which one I should get. I’ve looked at some pictures online and I’m putting my favorite one’s in and you can vote. Tell me which one you like the best. So, here they are……

(1) The rose with the flame(2) The Plane Rose

(3) The rose with artwork

(4) The rose with a heart, if I get thise one the rose will be red, not pink

(5) The purple rose

Wonder Woman!!!!

2006-09-29T13:55:00.000-07:00

For those of you that don’t know, I am a Wonder Woman fan. She is my favorite superhero. Not only is she a woman who kicks behind, but her name is Diana. Anyway, I’ve been searching for a Wonder Woman lunchbox. Yes, I actually carry a lunchbox. I have not been able to find one, and I’ve been looking for awhile. A couple of days ago I got a call from Linh, a friend from college and fellow professor at the college. She asks me if I’m still looking for a Wonder Woman lunchbox. Of course I tell her yes, well more like squeal it as I ask her if she found one. She found one!!!! So, here is a picture of my new lunchbox. I’m so excited!!!

An Opportunity

2006-09-26T17:14:00.000-07:00

Today is my first full day of classes; a full day consisting of three labs. I've finished up two labs and have one more to go, it starts in about 45 minutes. So far, I have had a really great day. I enjoy being back on campus and my students so far have been really nice and respectful. In my morning lab a couple of students asked me about my gray bracelet. So, I got a chance to share my faith with my lab this morning. That was awesome. One of the students said, "Oh, I thought the word servant meant that you serve your students." I told him I serve Christ by serving my students, that I'm there for them to help them understand, to answer questions, and to make physics easier for them. He made a deep thought face and then went back to calculations. I saw a couple of the students write down the verse to look up and a couple of students asked me what church I attend. So, now they know there's an open door and they can talk to me. That's always exciting to me; to know that I can be there for a student intellectually and possibly spiritually.

Insert Some Random Clever Title

2006-09-25T22:57:00.000-07:00

I haven’t really been blogging lately. I’ve wanted to blog but haven’t really had anything to type. Life has been kind of blah lately; at least from my perspective. Not a bad blah, but a good blah (if there is such a thing). Nothing exciting, nothing traumatic, just day to day regular stuff.

Tonight was Monday Night Dinner, or MND, at the May’s. I have never been to MND before so it was a new experience for me. It was an awesome night of good food and good fellowship. A great big THANK YOU to Brandi for opening up her house to all of us noise makers. Then I got to come home and unpack some more. I think I’ve finally got my desk organized, which means I can bring in some more boxes to unpack. My goal is to be totally unpacked and organized by Saturday, the end of the day at least.

Moving Day - Part 2

2006-09-24T15:05:00.000-07:00

Ok, so yesterday was officially moving day. I got the rest of my stuff moved, well almost all of it. I have my hurricane lamps still in Moreno Valley and my laundry basket, but everything else is here in Riverside. YEA!!!!! Needless to say, my room is an absolute disaster area right now, but it is slowly coming together. The one thing I didn’t do is take a before and after picture. Ok, call me crazy, but I like to take a picture of the room empty with nothing in it, then take a picture with all of the furniture in it. When I need to I pull it out and remember that yes, miracle can occur; I’m always amazed at how I fit stuff into a room.

Moving Day - Part 1

2006-09-19T21:52:00.000-07:00

I'm moving!!!!!! I'm moving out of the armpit they call Moreno Valley to Riverside. Ok, so Riverside isn't that much better, but I like it much better. And Moreno Valley is just not close to anything. I started moving today, I got one dresser, one bookshelf, and my clothes moved today. Only three more bookshelfs and another dresser to move. I'm very excited!!!!! Just had to share with y'all.

Life Gives You Scars

2006-09-19T21:23:00.000-07:00

I had to post this. I got this in my email today and it just hit home.

Some years ago, on a hot summer day in south Florida, a little boy decided to go for a swim in the old swimming hole behind his house. In a hurry to dive into the cool water, he ran out the back door, leaving behind shoes, socks, and shirt as he went. He flew into the water, not realizing that as he swam toward the middle of the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore.

His father, working in the yard, saw the two as they got closer and closer together. In utter fear, he ran toward the water, yelling to his son as loudly as he could.

Hearing his voice, the little boy became alarmed and made a U-turn to swim to his father. It was too late. Just as he reached his father, the alligator reached him.

From the dock, the father grabbed his little boy by the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs. That began an incredible tug-of-war between the two. The alligator was much stronger th an the father, but the father was much too passionate to let go.

A farmer happened to drive by, heard his screams, raced from his truck, took aim and shot the alligator.

Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in the hospital, the little boy survived. His legs were extremely scarred by the vicious attack of the animal. And, on his arms, were deep scratches where his father's fingernails dug into his flesh in his effort to hang on to the son he loved.

The newspaper reporter who interviewed the boy after the trauma, asked if he would show him his scars. The boy lifted his pant legs. And then, with obvious pride, he said to the reporter, "But look at my arms. I have great scars on my arms, too. I have them because my Dad wouldn't let go."

You and I can identify with that little boy. We have scars, too. No, not from an alligator, but the scars of a painful past. Some of those scars are unsightly and have caused us deep regret. But, some wounds, my friend, are because God has refused to let go. In the midst of your struggle, He's been there holding on to you.

The Scripture teaches that God loves you. You are a child of God. He wants to protect you and provide for you in every way But sometimes we foolishly wade into dangerous situations, not knowing what lies ahead. The swimming hole of life is filled with peril - and we forget that the enemy is waiting to attack. That's when the tug-of-war begins - and if you have the scars of His love on your arms, be very, very grateful. He did not and will not ever let you go.

What did I do?!?!?!?!!

2006-09-16T19:50:00.000-07:00

I really do not like shopping. I’m one of those people that typically walk the aisles and if nothing catches my eye I don’t stop, I just keep on going. I know what I want when I do go and am looking for something specific. There are those very special occasions when someone can talk me into going shopping with them. Well, I went shopping today. Not only did I go shopping, I went to Ontario Mills to go shopping; on a Saturday. We were there entirely too long, I think almost six hours. I think it was the kids; they were just so darn cute. By the kids I mean my kids, Justin and Kaelynne. They both are just too darn cute for words
So I spent the day with Sandy and the kids shopping. Sandy’s impulse buy was a Halloween costume for George. Apparently he’s going to be a bumblebee. My impulse buy was a pair of pink boots. Sandy says they’re raspberry wine colored, but that’s still pink in my mind. I still can’t believe that I got pink boots. Per Sandy I have to wear them to church tomorrow, so keep an eye out for them.

Book Titles

2006-09-14T14:52:00.000-07:00

For those of you who may not know (which you probably all do), I work at Borders. I am on the inventory team which means I'm one of those people in the back who unbox books and put them on the shelves. I have seen some rather amusing titles and I decided today that I should start telling people about them. All those book titles that have us rolling on the floor in laughter because someone actually titled their book that. Anyway, this is my first book title blog.

Never Have Your Dog Stuffed (Alan Alda's biography)

Not Tonight Darling, I'm Knitting (we laughed for a good 10 to 15 minutes with this one)

Extreme Nature! (I think it was more the way I said it out loud than the book title)

I hope you got at least a little laugh, have a fantabulous day!

_________________________
Per Christy's comment, one that I left out...

Pee Pee, Potty, Poo Poo (for those of you that might be potty training a young one)

I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date.....

2006-09-12T19:29:00.000-07:00

Today I woke up at 5:50 am. Some of you might be thinking, wow that’s early. But actually I was late. See, I’m supposed to be at work at 6pm. Needless to say, I was slightly late this morning. I think I finally clocked in at 6:45am, only 45 minutes late. I felt rushed the whole day because I was late getting there. I ended up staying an extra hour to make up for being late. At least when I got to work the day went well. I got 2 whole pallets sorted today. Now there are only 6 left, the 6 that came in today. I have no idea how we fit 6 pallets in the back room with the 2 that were already back there but somehow we got it all cleaned out and fit a grand total of 10 pallets in our back room with all of our sorting carts. It’s like a puzzle, making everything fit. After work I actually came home today. I don’t think I’ve been home before dark in months, it’s kinda nice vegging out and playing online.

Me?!?!?!??

2006-09-10T22:52:00.000-07:00

Has anyone ever told you that you're an answer to prayer?

I have a friend that I eat lunch with just about every Sunday. The only exceptions being when one of us is sick or out of town. She comes over and picks me up from Pipeline, we grab something to eat, and then we sit in the gym eating our lunch and talking about whatever comes to mind. We talk about the big events in our life, we talk about the little events, we talk about our hopes for the future and our disappointments from the past. We've been doing Sunday lunches for almost a year now. That's quite a bit of talking time. Well, we're also in small group together. This past Wednesday our small group leader was talking about people being answers to prayer. Sometimes it's obvious that you were an answer to prayer and sometimes you just go, "huh?" He was giving some examples of things that have happened in his life. Basically it was a little message on making sure our hearts and minds were open to hear God's prompting in our life. Well today I'm sitting having lunch as usual with my friend. She turns to me and brings up Wednesday and asks if I want to hear her story. Of course I want to hear her story so I turn towards her to make sure she knows she has my absolute undivided attention and she tells me that it involves me. Well, that kinda floors me, but I say ok and ask her was her experience is. She told me that she was on the verge of leaving Sandals (gasp! on my part) and she prayed to God and told Him that she needed a friend; someone that she could sit and talk with and really help her find her church family. She tells me that she prayed this one Sunday while driving home. One or two weeks later I had gotten back from my trip to TN and had brought my photo album with me to church. We sat down and I was showing her my pictures and that's when we really started talking and hanging out. So, she told me I was the answer to her prayer. I had absolutely no idea what to say, I was floored. I was completly shocked, for a split second I thought she was kidding. The first thing that popped out of my mouth was, "Awww, I feel all warm and fuzzy inside." Ok, not the most brillant thing to say, but not the worst either. She just laughed at me, knowing my tendency towards blonde moments.

So that was my shocking moment of the day, maybe more like the shocking moment of the year.